there is black, sticky, smelly stuff on my knee and i can’t take it off. in an attempt to avoid surgery, my mom took me to a chinese kung-fu doctor last night. the chinese people have been around for thousands of years so we know a thing or two, however improbable that sounds. we go to his office, located in a garage in rancho penasquitos. no, i wasn’t afraid. he starts to rub my knee with some weird juice while chanting cryptic confucian sayings like “your present plans are going to succeed in bed.” yeah right. confucius didn’t say crap like that. he really said, “give me money cuz i’m poor, hungry and there are no sanitary wipes in all of ancient china.”



anyways, he could tell immediately that there was cartilage damage but he said that it was “no problem.” hunh? i’m all for alternative medicines (ironic isn’t it that chinese medicine is alternative to a chinese person) but i must admit to being a little skeptical. he took some various powders from off his garage shelf and started heating it up on his little burner. when it turned into really hot paste he slapped it onto my knee and taped it there. bam! kick it up a notch! see you tomorrow.



that was it. if all goes well, as he assures me that it will, i won’t need surgery. i’ll be magically healed very soon and i won’t even need a MRI (although i think i’m going in anyway). this might mess big time with dance mix plans but we’ll see. my friend tim was with us the whole time and we just kept looking at each other and laughing. he kept on saying, “that dirts the magic bro, he’ll slap it on you and make it all better.” ancient chinese remedies are funny.



course now i’m crippled and i smell like a conglomeration of everything chinese. wanna hang out?