Day 356

I can't decide if this blog is necessary or not. Plans to use it as a daily recording of things, as an experimental space, all have failed spectacularly. I'm trying to transition more of my normal blogging to the public blog, because really, who cares? And this can't serve as a journal so it mainly falls into third priority. And third priority means abandonment. But I owe this blog something because I like the design so much.

Suffice to say, I'm out of San Diego and back to San Francisco. I don't want to be here. Not because I'm not having a good time, but because I'm just over it. I thought I was just missing the beach back home but I suspected it was something more. While I miss the people and the SF family, and have another month of squeezing in quality time, it's not where I want to be for the winter. A few weeks ago, after a long night of talking by the beach in La Jolla, I was all fired up to blast whatever remaining money I had and move to New York. A few big purchases, a few wedding tickets bought, and a few reminders of how much I hate the cold have tempered that enthusiasm.

So where to next? Who knows. I have a month up here to figure it out and by October my obligations in SF will be over. I came up because friends were visiting, I had a book panel to do, and my KSW volunteer obligations had to be completed. I'm delighted came up because it's been the perfect time to hang out with some new friends but at the same time I definitely don't feel settled or that attached to remaining here.

When I've been talking to people, some have mentioned that I sound sad. I'm not sure if it's sadness I feel but it's definitely something missing. There's some things brewing that could take me a few steps here and there (backwards or forwards I dunno) but even those are uncertain. The good thing is that writing is going well. I'm excited to try out my new writing chops and to see what I'm capable of the second time around. After attending aforementioned book panel, I'm all fired up to be a real author! It's fun and rewarding and I need to get my promotion game on and get out there.

If you had all the money you needed for the rest of your life (not super gazillion rich, but a guaranteed steady source of income), what would be different? I've been thinking about that a lot recently. The answers are forthcoming, unlike the money. Please extend me again Mr. Obama, please.