How do you react to people in a conversation? Is it 40% verbal cues? 30% physical cues? 30% vibes? You know those situations when you’re talking with people that you don’t really know that well, when you’re aware of every little motion and fidget. When I’m talking with certain people (usually strangers or acquaintances) I’m constantly doing an evaluation of how I should be standing or leaning or whatever. I try to look as relaxed as possible but in fact I’m concentrating on reading their non-verbal cues (interpreting another person’s verbal cues, a whole nother topic) so much that I lose track of the conversation. “What? Oh yeah. Right. Wow. Cool.” Nod head…..NOW!!! Shit, too early. Fuck, maybe next time.



I wonder how that comes off? I’ve been told that my face doesn’t emote much so since then I sometimes consciously try to exaggerate my facial reactions. A smirk here. A raising of the eyebrows there (admittedly not as cool as just one eyebrow but I can’t do one eyebrow so I have to settle for the combination eyebrow raise and wide eyed, relatively wide eyed, deer-in-headlights look). Does wonders I tell ya. I mean, half the time I actually am interested in the conversation so I want to impart that but then I start feeling like I’m being incredibly fake. It’s intriguing to note that I get the same feelings and thought processes, regardless of whether or not I’m interested in a person or not. And I’m always looking for an out in the conversation. Metaphorically speaking, i'm always sitting in the exit row. I tend to have conversations where I just spurt a lot of questions and then *silence*. I also have this terrible habit of not looking at somebody when I talk. Unless I’m comfortable with someone, I don’t like to look at their eyes and I have a tendency to look past them. Or to gaze around the room. This of course, leads to another physical sign of disinterest so by now I’ve trained myself to stare at a person’s eyes until I just can’t stand it anymore. I need sunglasses in all uncomfortable encounters. Or to be walking, that works too. An occasional sideways look of recognition is usually enough in those instances to avoid terrible conversational faux pas.



I also have this slight panicky feeling when my personal space is violated. I think about two feet is an ideal conversation distance. Any closer and I start getting claustrophobic. I don’t know what it is. People who I’m not dearly acquainted with make me very uncomfortable and self aware. The mantra I usually live by is to “smile and nod.” In every situation. Smile and nod. Smile and nod. Nod, smile. Rinse, repeat. But you can only do that so many times before you look like an inane idiot and have people start to question your intelligence. Combine all the above and it’s a wonder I’m not a jittering slobbering social nightmare. Or maybe I am, someone please tell me if I’ve exhibited any of these social symptons in their presence. I didn’t mean it. I’m comfortable with you now. Really.