i hate the polluted stench of airports. the super sanitized surfaces mingling with the sweat of travelers bundled up in their grimiest, most comfortable attire. it’s like a pageant of mismatching outfits. i wonder how many of these people shower before they board. entering the airplane itself is claustrophobia inducing. the recycled air. the tiny seats with no leg room. the damn ladies who start talking to you before takeoff. thank god for earphones. the babies in the back rows. the old people (who apparently all fly to phoenix on tuesdays) who take an hour to check each row to make sure they are in the right seat. “oh, here’s a, b, c….where’s d?”



the stupid northwest terminal at detroit with it’s new innovative “straight line” floor plan that stretches on for miles and miles. long wistful looks as the old people in the courtesy carts whizz by. why not use a curve to cut down on the walking? geniuses. do they know i’m crippled? the express trains that run back and forth look cool for a second before you realize that going all the way up the stairs to wait and catch one is pointless. the baggage claims with the unhelpful ladies who describe my missing luggage as “unfortunate.” what’s unfortunate is that i’m going to another airport in oh.......eight hours. dammit.