in your grocer's freezer. ever feel drained? physically drained of course. but more mentally? not wanting to engage in anything with anyone? that's a very weird state for me. usually, i can always carve out some time to do something, or to talk, or to do something social. but sometimes, i'm utterly against doing anything. i feel like just collapsing on my bed, cranking up some music, and then just lying there. not thinking, not doing anything, except for listening. but then it'll occur to me that i want to write something down. and that motion of looking for pen and paper inevitably means i've lost anything that was in my head. and i'll think about hopping out to do something. but then i'll be so tired. and to escape from all that tiredness, i just want to sleep. conveniently, i'm excellent at sleeping.



i keep on pushing things further and further away, making each event the "last" one before i move on and bunker down and do something. this weekend will be the "last" clubbing for awhile. these past three weeks was the "last" fun i planned to engage in. of course, three straight weeks of fun, coast to coast fun no less, is really just an extension of my entire life. i'm like a retired person. i'm on perpetual vacation. send me to boca. i'll blend right in.