you'll need love to light the shadows on your face. so me and victor are having an aim conversation about who guys and girls turn to in times of need. and why they turn to a specific gender. when you turn to a girl, you expect them to be good at being supportive and nurturing. they know how to make you feel better and how to say the things that are good to hear when you're down. guys in general aren't so good at that. they are more straight up and have less patience for the weepy i feel you type of comfort.



i for one, am not so good at the weepy i feel you comfort. i substitute listening for comfort and support. i can listen for quite awhile, until the rains stop in spain if necessary. but i'm not that great at just being outright supportive. because if i feel like someone is wrong, or they just need to suck it up, i tell them so. this doesn't exactly win me bonus points in the comforting friend category. and sometimes people need this, so they choose not to come to me. but i would like to imagine that they come to me for an easy ear and if necessary, some opinions and perspectives.



but i've also noticed that i'm probably more patient with girls. because maybe deep down i feel that girls need to be comforted, or that girls want to be comforted, so thus i become more comforting. but with guys, i'm just like "ok, tell me what's on ur mind, let's talk about it and resolve it." by no means are my guy friendships the typical "we both have to be unemotional tough guys" but there is a difference between how you comfort guys and how you comfort girls. plus, girls are prettier. so that helps with the patience thing.



another thing we noted was that while girls are more comforting, they are also more aware of social graces and can be catty. listening to you one minute and then disparaging you behind your back the next. that is also a reason some girls only go to guys. guys won't listen to you unless they want to. some girls feel obligated to just because. then again, some girls turn to guys because they don't have that many close and trusted girl friends. in a similar way, some guys don't have the type of guy relationships to allow for comfort and nurturing.



when i turn to someone in my times of need, i rather like it when they're straight up. when they bring the thunder and call me out on where i'm wrong. i prefer that no bullshit comfort. most of the female friends i go to give me that "man-ish" kick you in the ass to make you stronger comfort. and i love them for that. some people i suppose, want actual comfort. but my preference is for the give it to me harsh comfort. and so that's why i do it that way. because i assume that you come to me for that particular reason, knowing full well that i'm incapable or unwilling to give the weepy comfort. everyone needs both kinds of comfort, i just only do well at one of them and not the other. see, i'm not a girl. despite some popular misconceptions.



this is still an ongoing conversation. but victor's at lunch. and i don't eat lunch. so i'm blogging. which goes to prove that blogging can replace all four major food groups. so really, all i need is water and blogging to survive. although food will do in a pinch.



by the way. i love you all people. especially today. even if i don't comfort you.