each of us inevitable

each of us limitless - each of us with his or her right upon the earth

each of us allowed the eternal purports of the earth

each of us here as divinely as any is here

-walt whitman-



freaks and geeks. a small face studded with piercings was the first thing i flipped to. i switched away from it, because i figured it was some mtv programming about some new metal band or whatever. but then i realized the face belonged to a small adolescent girl. in high school. and that she was a lesbian. and that mtv was showing school's out: the life of a gay high school in texas. i have to admit, the piercings unnerved me. the girl, angel, had piercings everywhere. between her brows, through her ears, in and around her nose, on her lips, everywhere. it was easy to dismiss her as a freak. especially when she was followed by the boy with aids, the boy growing breasts and the boy hoping to grow breasts. this was not your normal television programming.



this was mtv.



this was the hour long story of a year long journey into the lives of a handful of kids rejected by society, public schools and even families. all stuck together under one non-profit roof to get that most basic of needs, education (oh, and food and water and shelter). this is the type of programming that you watch with a grimace and look over to the next person on the couch and go "gosh, they're so fucking weird! ewww!" but then you start to get drawn into it. you see how much these kids have to put up with. the way they talk, the way they analyze, the hopelessness that they feel, the realization that they are different and outkasted. the sense of family that they promote among themselves because they are alone on a suburban island of freak and they have to band together for support.



and then you start to maybe get angry at society. because of how blind society is. not just towards gay high school students, but towards everyone. blacks, whites, asians, women, cool people, weird people, dumb people, old people, hungry people, short people, tall people, pierced people, people people. and then you start to get really angry and sad about how much of this goes on. maybe not to this extreme. but it happens. and then you start to think about the types of people that you discriminate against. and the types of people that your friends discriminate against. and the types of the people that the church discriminates against. and the types of people that discriminate other discriminators. and you end up getting angry at everyone. for a flaring hot split second, the whole world is a ball of hate, mucous, and compost. and there's not much to do about it.



and your heart goes out to these kids, who are so fucking weird, but yet, so fucking more real than you could ever hope to be. and you have to have the utmost respect for them, because they are trying to be whoever they are, even when everythiing is on the line. dress up in women's clothing, put on makeup, pierce yourself, do it all despite all the negative attention you get. that's strength. that's staying true to yourself. that's putting substance before style and function before form.



i don't think enough people do that. i know i try to accept everyone but there are some things i just can't handle. i'm down with weird and "unique." but old people freak me out. dirty skanky smelly people freak me out. disabled people freak me out. i'm sorry. i can't do anything about it. but i guess the question is, can we? can you? can anyone?



and i'm not even talking about the extremes of society. but the little differences that make up our social network. the kid that listens to weird music. the kid that walks weird, talks weird, smells weird, thinks weird. is weird. can you handle it? can differences be cool instead of unnerving? or do we ostracize because it's easier? for the most part, i'm a pretty decently normal person but i feel like i can relate to rejection. or am i just kidding myself? am i incapable of understanding because i'm usually accepted? or am i the one able to say "fuck you ostrasizer!" because i'm generally very accepting? anyway. don't hate. procreate.