now gimme that toot toot and i'll give you that beep beep. in keeping with victor's thoughts on smart asian girls, i was talking to a friend yesterday about the role that asian parents put their children in. specifically, making intelligence and school so important in evaluating the "goodness" of a particular child. if a kid isn't inclined to be studious they are dismissed and sighed at. their failings at school are dramatized into failings overall. what does this do to the kid? it makes them hate school even more.



there is a distinct difference between your typical asian "smart kid" and the "dumb kid." (none of these terms are meant to be used derogatorily, however, they are said in a despicable derogatory manner. with lots of spitting afterwards for emphasis and punctuation) growing up in a very chinese-y community, it was always made very apparent who were the kids that were to be looked up to and admired. so and so got into here and there. she got a scholarship. he got an A. she's a doctor. he's a lawyer. whatever. i guess for some people this comes across as pressure. for me, i shut it all out at some point-- maybe around the beginning of high school-- when i decided that the cruising life is better than the studying life. and now look at where i am. but no, this is not a story with a moral.



it is instead about trying to figure out what happens to those kids who willingly disassociate themselves from the "we must be smart" stereotype. most of my friends growing up had alot of parental pressure to do well in school. but there were always a few people here and there who didn't get that kind of extreme pressure from their parents. i saw these people as anomalys and wondered why their parents seemed to put less emphasis on how they did in school. the asian parent is supposed to care only about their kid's grades. maim, rape, pillage, conquer, kill. whatever, as long as you got that A. intelligence was an overwhelmingly redeeming attribute. if you were perceived as smart and doing well in school, you were a good kid. anything short of that, you were probably a fuck up and parents talked behind your back. actually, parents talked behind your back anyway, but that's another subject altogether.



i think the intelligence thing is the same for both women and men. or in this case, girls and boys. however, it was like a good back up plan if a girl was pretty because then the parents could go on and on about that. it's a terrible thing really. and we wonder why we're so shallow. it's because parents will go "oh, she's not smart but at least she's pretty so she can marry a doctor." they don't actually say that. at least out loud. i think it is true that the first born usually has the greater pressure to excel. unless the first born fails, in which case the second or third sibling is goaded towards academic dominance. one family member must make it to a top ten school, otherwise shame would rain down upon one's ancestors. that's a confucious say. or a fortune cookie say at least.



back to the topic at hand. the asian kids (i don't want to generalize my chinese experiences with the rest of asia land, so excuse my use of the term "asian") who aren't good at math, who can't do school, who are talented in so many other ways. what happens to them? they either turn their "failures" into a joke, like "gee, i suck hard at math/science/school, haha, want a beer?" and they come to grips with who they are. or maybe they remain somewhat eternally ashamed of not being able to become a doctor, a lawyer, or a genegineer. i think alot matters what kind of environment your parents place you in. if all of their friend's kids are shoooting for stanford and harvard and whatnot, you feel pressure to go to one of those places. but if you are removed a few steps away from that childish competition, then you may not feel any pressure at all. or some kids are cognizant enough to elect out of the whole "my son's school is better than your son's school" thing. but you have to be in before you elect out.



i learned that part of what contributes so much to the chinese emphasis on education is the confucian system of civil examination. the only chance for many people to move up in the world was to take the civil service examinations (which were open to all) and to do well on them. that has influenced the way our parents continue to pound away with the theory that "studying is everything." well, studying is not everything. how do i know? because i don't study and yet i have everything. except a job, money, financial freedom, and parental respect. but hey. the world goes round once a day. sometimes twice on sundays.