throw him your panties. shut down the escalators. the star of the show has arrived. yesterday, i joined approximately two thousand people to watch the phenom that is william hung. first rumored to be performing at a chuck e cheese (tryout for his long term occupation perhaps?), he appeared via limo at the nearby mall. i was introduced to the william hung phenomenon only a month ago but since then i've been following his "career" very closely. so when the chance came to see him "perform" it was too good to pass up. this apparently was the mindset of many other san diegans.



heading to the show, we had some questions. "does he have security?" "how many songs will he sing?" "think we can get a picture?" "how many people will be there?" "is all this freeway traffic for william?" "do you think he feels used for being so bad he's good?" all these questions and more were answered, expect for maybe the last one. we arrived at the mall a little late but with much anticipation and dare i say, excitement? i envisioned a small gathering of maybe one hundred fans, something familiar to me, like when santa visits the mall. never in my wildest dreams could i have pictured the mob scene that was william hung day. i saw little kids -- singing "she bangs she bangs" over and over -- dragging mothers toward the mall doors. what in the name of weird looking asian dudes is going on here?



inside, the mall was packed. three stories of shopping extravaganza were packed with people, lined up at least ten deep. it felt like the coliseum on slave kill slave day. here was america's melting pot. men, women, and children of all sizes and ethnicities were pushing to the rails, just to get a glimpse of william. i'm proud to say that being somewhat taller, i was able to see the back of his head numerous times as we stood twenty feet away from the stage. the munchkin guild i went with (nancy, lilly, susie: all around five foot two) was not so fortunate. luckily, we secured a spot near the side of the stage so that they too could get a glimpse of william's captivating right side.



i've noticed that it's hard not to get caught up in the excitement when fans are screaming in your ear. i didn't even know that all i wanted to do was see his face, catch one awkward dance move, or maybe blow him a kiss, until i had this urge to suddenly do all these things. i mean, was that too much to ask? apparently it was, since we never got any closer to him than a cardboard cutout.



observing this absolute madness, i couldn't help but think that william was destined for a vh1 "i love 2004" three minute segment. someday people will mention him in the same breath as chia pets and say things like "yeah, he inspired me to be who i am today." alternately, someone should spoof the "i love the (insert decade)" series by doing a "i love the 20s" special. they can round up all the obscure comedians from the senior citizen home and set them to talking about flapping, prohibition and art deco. it would be a huge hit don't you think?



william did two songs. his infamous "she bangs" song and then he busted out "circle of life." i shit you not. i must stop here, there's too much to say and only pictures can do the experience justice. pictures of our personal william hung experience is forthcoming. be patient. stop pushing me from behind. thanks.