owie. as i sat patiently awaiting my teeth cleaning and routine retainer check, i noticed that a small child was screaming in the chair beside me. on his first or second trip to the dentist, this boy was crying his little lungs out. for me, the dentist has become not something to fear but a fact of life. genetically weak teeth i say and i'm sticking to my story. anyway, i was trying to figure out at what point i stopped being afraid of the dentist. i'd say middle of high school, when i realized that the pain from the drill is only momentary. after being shot up for millions of cavities, i rationalized that any new pain is no worse than it ever was before. if i'd lived through novacaine shots -- and root canals -- in the past, i could suffer through it now. this was the same rationale i had for convincing myself that getting a tattoo wouldn't hurt. "a needle punching into my skin? please, i go to the dentist all the time, i have no fear." this absence of fear only applies to smallish needles, i still fear gun shots, paper cuts and the occassional purple nurple.



but for little kids, what do they know? all they understand is pain, they can't grit their teeth and get through it. they can't clutch the sides of the chair, roleplaying strong and quiet, even as the cleaning pick digs into your soft flesh. all the kids can understand is that each time they visit the dentist, they get hurt. so what can you do to make them feel better? the boy's mom had a novel line of reasoning. she said (in chinese), "don't cry if it's good for you. only cry if something hurts you and is bad." this sounded very reasonable but i don't think it helped much. my old dentist used to have a big wall of prizes, one of which was yours if you were a good patient. as stupid a tactic as it was, the thought of getting a dyed rabbit's foot or a cheesy ring was enough to keep me from hating the dentist. how stupid was i? but i think this strategy works well in life.



if you are going to hurt someone, you should offer them something at the end that is prize-like and enjoyable, so that their memories can be tied into receiving a gift. just broke up with someone out of the blue? leave them some chocolates and jewelry. why use those things during the courting and retaining phase of a relationship? you really need it during the breakup phase. the key is to give give give after the breakup. beat the shit out of someone while playing a sport? buy them a jamba juice, so they can have something to wash down their pride with. just found out you failed a class? get a star button from the teacher for "good effort." it seems so easy doesn't it?



my friend birthed a baby last week, au naturel no less. i heard that she didn't make any sounds during labor. no screaming, no histrionics. when asked why, she replied "it hurt so bad i didn't see how screaming would help much." in her case the pain was tremendous, life shattering, but what does a birthing mother get at the end of the pain? a baby! see how this works? by presenting a present at the end of the pain, you reduce/eliminate the negative memories associated with that pain. isn't that great? set it and forget it.



from now on, if/when i offend you or hurt you, ask for a lollipop or a piece of candy from me, so that way we can still be friends and you'll think i'm sweet.