well our love was often a verb and spontaneity has brought a third. in a high school math class, my teacher wrote this on the chalkboard: 1+1 = 3. figure out what it meant and get the extra credit for the test. only one person got it. it meant that my teacher was soon to have a baby. bonus points for that super intellligent guy who got it right (no, this is not one of those stories where i'm the smartass who got it right. if i was the one person who got it right i would of told this story many times over by now.). ah children. love'em and leave'em. ex to the next. oops. that's women, not children. either way, in the event of an emergency or a water landing, they go first. the men stay behind to man the door and push people out of the way. hum, does "man" the door come from this type of thing? because to "man" the door is to protect it? so it's seen as a male thing to do? someone who studied linguistics speak up.



anyhow, children. don't want them. i have this recurring panicky fear that i will somehow magically impregnate a female and then i will have a child on my hands. not just any child, my child. actually, this scenario would be pretty damn magical because no woman will let me close enough for physical contact. so this impregnation would be right up there with the immaculate reception, conception. i don't know how this virgin birth would work but if god can make it happen once, he can do it at least twice. so practice safe abstinence people.



recently there have been a bevy of "we're expecting" announcements. congrats all around. champagne champagne, keep on pouring. some of these are from married couples, some of them are not. the commonality between all these potential parents is that their lives will change. for the better i'm sure. some couples i know were totally not expecting and are ill equipped to handle the coming intrusion. but they will battle on. some couples are very ready for their combined genes to manifest in physical form. they are settled financially, emotionally and physically. either way, there will be new lives entering the land, score one for hormones.



i for one, am trying to think of the exact word which conveys my absolute fear of having a child. i can't do it. my lexicon is not extensive enough and my thesaurus is broken. my feelings on it are too specific to use the wrong word yet also general enough to just keep on repeating, "fear, fear, fear." i think part of the issue is that having a child is about a committment. in all my theories, in all my philosophies for how the world works, and how i want things to work, the exception is always the relationship between parent and child. in order for me to pursue my life, i have to be unburdened by a child. because once i have a child, all philosophies go out the window and i must think of only one thing, "what is best for my child." i'm so not ready for that. i so don't want that. however, it's good to know that other people do. without new babies, our preschool and kindergarten teachers would soon be unemployed. and i know some kindergarten teachers so that would be bad.

hello butterfly a voice said

slip on some duds comb out your fro and

slide on down to my pad

the vibe here is very pleasant and i truly request your presence

a problem of great magnitude has arose

and as we speak it grows

damn, what could it be i thought

a juice i bought and rolled on down to her pad

-digable planets, femme fatale-