just when i thought i was out, they pull me back in. noteworthy lifestyle change. i (excuse me, we) have television back in my life again. the clouds have parted and my ship has finally arrived. for many eons -- about one year -- i have suffered from a state of no television, a state of dis-illusion if you will. i have missed out on all the political debate that swirls around our great country. i have missed out on all the late breaking news on cnn. i have missed out on all the local news that affect my loved ones and my closely knit community. i have missed out on the justice meted out on court tv and the religious babble that rages on early morning sundays. i have missed out on, most importantly, jessica simpson and nick lachey. i wholeheartedly agree with the ads, "if they were any cuter, they would be puppies."



this weekend, we got extended cable. just in time for everything my life was missing. my new year's resolution was to "educate myself and to expand into a greater person." now with a tricked out tv, i have the means to achieve my goals. i'm thinking i'll gain at least a half pound (rounding up) over this next year due to sitting around watching tv. and my mind cannot help but retain all the information about who won what when. expanded and educated, that'll be me in 2005.



a quick rundown of what i watched in my first seventy two hours -- commonly referred to as "the honeymoon period". nba basketball (spurs - pacers). sportscenter. discovery channel program on bluefin tuna (stop hunting them, they are dying!). newlyweds marathon. all three previously aired real world san diegos. queer eye for the straight guy - half of an episode. friends and seinfeld rerun. two nfl football games. nfl primetime. sportscenter. premiership league soccer. world poker championships. celebrity poker championships. commercials. some other random riff raff.



in short, i had a very long weekend. as excited as i am about having cable, it is clearly the death of me, of us, and of all that hotel pan stood for. we were for extreme boredom and wiling the hours away doing absolutely nothing. now with a tv, we are always "doing something" while wasting our hours away. gone are the moments of quiet desperation: "what do you want to do? let's do something! aaaarrgghhh!" now that we have tv, there is always something to do. a high cholesterol alternative to healthy boredom. some people may not like it much but it's still there as an option.



how will this transform our lives? only time can tell. there is already talk of canceling the cable or having a pay-as-you-watch system to eradicate this cancer that will surely threaten our previously placid lives. but i think we are acting too soon. we must give ourselves time to adjust to the presence of the box in our living room. we will learn to coexist peacefully with our long lost friend. or we will die with infinite knowledge of pop culture and entertainment trends. if we do go down, at least we'll go down up to date.