chimerical. in adaptation, charlie kaufman asks his brother how he can ignore what everyone thinks of him and be such a total dolt. david/daniel/d-something replies that he decided long ago "you are what you love, not what loves you." deep. who writes this stuff? oh right, charlie kaufman. anyway. after thinking about this one for a bit of time now, i've decided that not only is this absolutely right, it's absolutely confusing. (it's also against the grain of what we are taught in our daily interactions.)



i agree with it very much because in principle it means that you are who you want to be. you get to decide what you love and thus who you are. the opinions of others don't matter in the slightest. the issue here of course, is that it's pretty easy to end up with a pretty unrealistic vision of yourself. if everyone else says that you're a fool but you don't think so, chances are, you're a fool. power to the little people and fight the power but four out of five dentists can't be wrong.



so what to do with this "you are what you love" phrase? define yourself on your own terms and decide what makes you tick or take a slightly more realistic view and figure out how people actually perceive you? do people's perceptions matter? it does to an extent, but it's far more empowering to say that people's views don't matter. it makes us all stand grandly like oak trees, to say that we are unaffected by the perceptions and misconceptions of others. i like to say this to myself all the time. "i don't care what anybody else thinks, i'm me regardless of people's perceptions." this is mostly true when i speak it but even i understand that i can only say this after many years of affirmations and friendly support.



nobody comes out of the womb confident by nature. some people never gain that inner confidence, but for most of us, we are emerging or fully in it right now. we have friends who accept us for who we are, we have left the stifling social circles of institutionalized education, we are stable solid and aware. we know what we like and why we like it. i think it would be extremely interesting to chronicle the steps and the events that lead to someone's state of self assurance.



wouldn't it be a shocking thing to be told that your version of you is totally different than everybody else's version of you? would that be merely interesting or more along the lines of earth shattering?