all i do, man, is stare at their mouths and wrinkle my eyebrows, and somehow i turn out to be a big sweetie, okay? so are you a listener or a talker? i'm generally a listener. i think. some people say that i talk alot but i think i only talk alot when i need to. i'll turn it on when it's supposed to be me talking. i'm efficient like a sprinkler. this is not to say that i'm a quiet person however. but the art form of listening has been apparently broken down into five levels (courtesy of the seven habits of highly effective people), let's take a gander shall we?



(1) ignoring - not really listening at all.

(2) pretending - make believe listening filled with "yeah, uh-huh, right".

(3) selective listening - hearing only certain parts of the conversation, like when we're listening to the constant chatter of a preschool child.

(4) attentive listening - paying attention and focusing energy on the words being said.

(5) empathic listening - listening with the intent to really understand what a person is saying by getting inside their frame of reference.



now this seems to make pretending listening and selective listening pretty bad. ignoring isn't so bad. if you're ignoring someone you're trying to show them that you have no interest whatsoever. at least that's honest. pretend listening. ooooh. now that's bad. nobody likes to be pretend listened to. that just plain sucks. i think i come off alot at number two and three. mainly because i feel like i'm nodding alot and making alot of "um-hums." but i'm listening, really. i just want to reinforce the person speaking to me, but sometimes i feel like a bobble head doll. nod nod smile nod.



i try to be at level four most of the time. if people want to sit me down to have a conversation, i'll try to be engaging and attentive, keeping the most salient points in mind. i like people. people like listeners. people like people who are actively truly listening. now level five, can we say that we do that all the time? in my conceit i would like to say that i do. but i'll have to think about it some more. "listening with the intent to really understand what a person is saying by getting inside their frame of reference." hum, that sounds like quite a bit of work. are number five listeners pretty rare do you think?



i have to say though, there are many times when i really am pretending and selective listening. how do you tell? hell if i know.