Driving back from LA today, after dropping off Helen at LAX and Michelle in Hacienda Heights, i started to get that disturbing "alone" feeling i always get after a big trip has finished. The feeling of having a score of friends flying around with you for a week doing absolutely nothing but playing, eating and sleeping. The feeling of pulling into my driveway and knowing that for the first time in two weeks there won't be a 4Runner, a M3 and an Infiniti pulling up alongside. I hate this feeling.



On Friday i'm off to England for six weeks and that will be the first time that i'll be alone for so long, dating back to the initial few weeks of freshman year. I've become so accustomed to having people within easy reach that the thought of being in a whole 'nother world with no friends about frightens me to no end. I have this reckless need to have people around me at all times and usually being alone for even one day starts to get me on edge and semi-panicky. At the same time, i do look forward to the experience because i know that i will be forced to sit down and to think about issues that i've avoided for quite awhile. It's just odd to have constructed such a comfortable little bubble and then to have to leave that space.



Not to overdramatize this whole leaving thing (because people do it everyday) but i feel like Siddhartha leaving behind his home and his possessions to go in search of himself. I hope in a way that this little six-week test run in England will make me a little better prepared for whatever comes afterwards. I think i've milked the past month in California aplenty and despite this dropping sinking feeling of aloneness i don't quite hate it as much i used to. Yeah right.