i lean toward my interpretations out of respect for the fact that people rarely change, and when they do, they tend to do it for themselves. unromantic, yes -- and cheerfully so. the notion that lovers can change each other, or for each other, or even should, best dwells under six feet of dirt.

-miss manners-



the notion that anyone can change anyone is outdated. when was the last time you saw someone change another person? never i say. all change that is made for someone else's benefit is fake change. the only real change is from the inside. but then, what about those people who say "well, i changed for them but i wanted to do it." bullshit. i disagree with this. all the changes that you induce in yourself should come from only selfish impulses. wait, contradiction coming. what if you want to make your wife happy (a selfish impulse) and by doing so you must give up something you really like? is that a selfish impulse (make wife happy) or an unselfish impulse (give up something for someone else)? i'd say that this type of change is not "change" at all. welcome to the world of compromise. that's the buzzword as you approach marriage age: compromise. learn it, love it, live it. but don't confuse it with actual change.



can friends change you? they can certainly influence you, but can they really change you? i doubt it. friends are people who are usually just as lost as you are, why let them change you when you haven't reached that conclusion yourself? as badly as you may want a friend to "learn" or to change some aspect of themselves, you can't rush it or force it. you can however, leave them on the wayside and off the cell phone roster.



the problem though, is that you can't do this in a relationship. or rather, you can but it's much harder. you've already worked this hard to find someone who likes you, the prospect of cutting the cord because of some minor disagreements seem too harsh. most people are incapable of accepting a significant other just as they are and want also what they have the potential to be. and so, you want to take a bit of the good and change a bit of the bad. sorry hon, this doesn't happen. i've yet to see solid evidence of any change that has occured as a result of true love.



i also think "change" is a term that should be reserved for conscious change. subconscious change just happens, it doesn't qualify in my book. you may naturally progress out of certain stages of your life and thus become different, but to "change" is to provide thought, fuel and effort.