hugs not drugs. i'm taking a quick poll here. how many people here think they have been emotionally stunted as a result of their upbringing and their non-affectionate parents? i guess i'm speaking mostly from the perspective of an asian family, but i'm sure this can apply to any family. however, certain ethnic families -- usually immigration families -- tend to be somewhat cold and emotionless. how many people barely spoke to their parents growing up? didn't feel loved? didn't know how to express love? didn't get hugs, kisses, slaps on the back? how many people didn't get words of encouragement? only words of rebuke and questions about life updates? how many people aren't even sure if one or both parents even wanted them?



what might this treatment translate into for a young adult? first off, maybe you don't know how to be close to people. your parents always held you at arm's length, so you hold people important in your life at arm's length. there is a phenomenon nowadays of people who aren't dramatically "i don't feel close to anyone" but still exhibiting the same sentiments. these people have a wall up and can't really connect with anyone on a really deep level. they feel like nobody knows the real them, or they are afraid to expose the real them. in old movies in the 80s this might have been categorized as the tough guy who finally breaks down once he realizes the power of love. in our subsequent savvier days, these people are able to function fine, but they withhold a part of themselves from human contact.



endless amounts of friends have remarked to me that "i don't know how to tell someone i care about them." i feel like i may have this minor affliction also. i just assume that people who i really care about just know. how? i dunno, they should just figure it out. but i've had a few conversations in my day about where someone's friendship stood in relation to my life. i'm always surprised because i thought i made it startling obvious that this person was one of my best friends. it made me think, "am i not conveying my feelings for people enough? am i giving them the impression that i don't value them?" many of my fine feathered friends also suffer from this problem. they sometimes have no problem telling others how much they care about someone, they just can't tell that particular person. is this due to affectionless parents? you tell me.



i know some people who cringe at the thought of a hug. where does this come from? sure people aren't all huggy and certain people just don't like body contact but can this be attributed to cultural traditions and more specifically, the inability of asian parents to hug or express affection? i know people who position themselves precisely so that they can avoid goodbye and hello hugs. ludicrous i know. but it's true, not everyone likes hugs. sometimes i can see the fear in someone's eye(s) as they are about to be hugged. is this somehow related to non-huggy parents? i bet it is.



what other emotional stunting have people suffered under the harsh totalitarian rule of their parents? i will find out. i'm on the case, don't worry. the best anecdotes will be duly shared and distributed. feel free to um, send me anecdotes. thanks. oh, and spare me the happy stories about how your parents hugged you a lot and showed you endless amounts of love and support. we're not interested in those tales. save that shit for oprah.