broken arrow. when chicken little cried that "the sky is falling the sky is falling," he must of been referring to my world and my sky. peep this gentle reader. jack black as the green lantern? jessica simpson in x-men 3? no bryan singer to helm the third installment of the x-men movies? jessica alba as the invisible woman of fantastic four fame? what in the super powered world is going on here? what next? ashton kutcher as the punisher? oh they already made that movie. phew.



for those of you who don't know why this is the end of the world, let me help you out. i'll tackle these travesties one by one. first, the green lantern is not a pudgy hairy short guy. he is a super hero who possesses the greatest weapon in the universe. he should not be reduced to a film that is described as a "zany comedy version a la the mask." the villain will invariably be some yellow haired blonde chick that will reduce mr green's lantern to a mere mood ring. oh lord. maybe they should cast jessica simpson to be the villain. oh wait, she's already been cast in x-men 3! jessica simpson was reported to have been cast for the role of x-woman songstress and superheroine, the dazzler. thank goodness that was a rumor and a lie.



speaking of blondes. isn't the invisible woman a blonde? why yes she is. isn't jessica alba the "dark" angel? why yes she is. why would she be cast as sue storm? sure she's hotter than hot but it might be better for this movie if she actually were invisible instead of super powered invisible. the only good thing about her being cast in the fantastic four is that i might get to see her (and eliza dushku) at the san diego comic con. a small victory i know, i'll just have to make the most of it -- by using my non-zoom powered camera.



now for the most disheartening news. x-men 3 has yet to be penned or cast but already the steadying hand in the director's chair has bolted to do the new superman movie. bryan singer is often credited for making the first two x-men movies as great as they were. what will happen now that he's jumped ship? where will the next movie -- and the tease of jean grey's phoenix -- take us? will the final chapter disappoint? i'm sure all of young hollywood will be clamoring for mutant cameos in this next x-men film, what with singer's singular x-vision gone. shit is life. life is shit.



i'm having some trouble breathing. someone call a doctor. or at least a professor. preferably the bald one. sorry for the x-men humor, it's all i have right now to keep me going.



and spiderman 2 is now available on IMAX. do we really need to see tobey maguire's emotive eyes stretched to fifteen feet tall? i mean, really? didn't we go over this "with great power comes great responsiblity" dilemma in the first movie? give it a rest. isn't the two hundred million dollars the film has grossed so far enough to end the tears? stop crying tobey, end the tsunami.



some malicious being is working overtime to doom the comic revolution, i just know it. if i still had my marvel stock i would be selling selling selling. instead i'm just cringing a lot.