me (and us) against the world. one of the best ways to ensure good practicable relationship advice is to find someone who thinks just like you do. they have the same theories, they have the same morals, they can see your side in every situation. an ally like this is invaluable. when the chips are down and you're standing on the firing line (saturday nights for me, might be different for you), you can always bust out the "but so-and-so totally agrees with me!" something about having another person agree with your view makes everything seem much less wack. this tactic may not save your relationship for long, but it can be a useful mis-direction move if used properly. the key is to not rely on your ace in the hole in every argument.



chances are, no matter how despicable your action, no matter how tired your excuse, you'll have somebody in your corner. this is known as the "my girls syndrome." if you are a female and happen to have a few ryde or die bitches in your inner circle of girl friends, you know what i'm talking about. even if you just cheated on your boyfriend with his brother, even if you just had his father's baby, your girls will still support you and see your side -- until you turn your back anyway. the only time your girl friends will turn against you is if you cheat on your boyfriend with one of their boyfriends. then nobody will trust you and you're ostrasized. time to make new friends at that point. still, until this happens (37% chance), having this type of team behind you will give you the mental strength necessary to do what you want to do.



relationship advice is too varied and plentiful to have one rule of thumb for all situations. you have to take into account how two people interact, how needs and wants are different from person to person. this is what makes giving/receiving relationship advice almost a waste of time. everyone knows what they should do, because there is definitely a handbook about what to do. but that never seems to apply to most of the population, because each relationship is unique and dare i say it, special. the only relationship advice you really end up giving most of the time is "stay the course," "maybe you should tell him how you feel," or "dump his ass." everything else is just a variation on these three themes.



i've been listening to a lot of dr laura during my drive home and she gives out relationship advice on her show. it's amazing how caustic and acerbic she is. she pulls no punches, cuts callers off, and always just rips them a new one. she tells them to stay, talk, or dump, ten seconds into a phone call. she's really quite amazing. she doesn't take into account any extraneous factors that might go into explaining "why he treats me so bad." as much as i'm unappreciative of dr laura's conceit, i do think she makes a good example for relationship advice givers. you don't need the whole story to say "stay, talk, dump." all you need to hear is what happened, how long it's been happening, and how that action makes someone feel, before suggesting a solution.



but sometimes, with incoming relationship advice, you just want someone to agree with you. you want them to say that "staying with the loser is good, if it makes you happy." you grow to value a person's advice because they keep on yes-manning you. it's easier to be supported in all that you do, instead of being battered by rationality each time you bring up a new situation. which is better? the straight shooter and the voice of reason, or the "girls" who always got your back?