loveline. what makes someone qualified to give love advice? or rather, relationship advice? since we know that giving love advice is merely useless. when someone is in love, all the advice in the world won't make a dent in their thinking. so, relationship advice it is. but who do we turn to? are we more likely to listen to relationship advice from our trusted friends? from people who egg us on to do "whatever makes you happy?" what sets the criteria for good relationship advice?



first of all, it's generally thought of as bad to take advice from people who are either limited in experience or overly experienced. the former doesn't know shit, the latter are stuck in black hole-like ruts. who wants to listen to advice from someone who has had 20 failed relationships in a row? nobody. so, in the relationship advice industry, there is a clear middle ground of experience for who is the "best person" to take advice from.



some people feel like taking advice from people with successful relationships is the best route. "how did you deal with [insert problem]? what should i do to make her less angry? how can i make her feel appreciated while still ignoring her? is attraction really that important?" it's thought that people who are successful in relationships have the answers to these questions. but really, i find that truism to be false.



people who have successful relationships have gotten lucky. lucky in love. sure they've grown and matured and sacrificed for each other, but it's probably more a case of good match making than any relationship skill that "successful relationship-ers" possess. also, keep in mind, people only need to win the relationship lottery once to be set for life (well 50% of the time anyway, according to current divorce rates. but conceivably just once). nobody is consistently having bomb ass relationship after bomb ass relationship. your batting average will usually be 1-for-whatever. and if that one comes early, you look like a relationship genius, a true guru of the heart. me? i attribute that to luck. you took your monster cut at the ball and hit it out of the park. *clap*clap* i'm happy for you. but what do you know about the rollercoaster lifestyle of bad relationship followed by awful relationship?



the people i want to talk to are the ones who have fulfilled these criteria: (1) have had more than three serious relationships. (2) have had more than two different types of relationship issues to deal with. (3) don't have a track record for serial dating. (4) have achieved some sort of lasting happiness in at least one relationship. i want to talk to the people who've had a few strikeouts, had a bunt or two, learned how to stretch a single into a double, and then finally hit a good clean triple. they may not have muscled out a home run yet, but they're working on it. i have no desire to take relationship advice from people who haven't yet stepped up to the plate, or from the power couple who smashed the leather off the ball on one lucky swing.



after all, who makes the best coaches in competitive sports (and relationships are a competitive sport)? the best coaches are the mediocre players who really had to work on their game. generalization, great players don't make great coaches. why? because the game comes too naturally to them. if you're genetically inclined to be a great boy/girlfriend, what can you share about your winning formula? nothing. you need a coach who had to learn everything from the ground up, someone who really had to use their limited abilities to overachieve. that's the kind of guy i want on my relationship bench -- i want the hard cheering twelfth man, not the petulant superstar.