war against apathy. i had a phone conversation with a friend who challenged me to educate myself. to open my ears, open my eyes, open my mind, and get knowledge about the war/anti-war debate. it's not that i don't have opinions about the subject, everybody has opinions, but there is a difference between an opinion and an educated opinion. my friend said that she couldn't have me "apathetic" on the issue. it meant too much. i confused her. because on one hand i know things, but yet with a glimpse of these things i don't dig any deeper. she wasn't asking for action or opinion or much of anything really. just to open myself up and go looking for knowledge and answers.



i too have been thinking about this the past week. the concept of war and my feelings about it. every since reading about leslie and her attendance at an anti-war rally i've wondered if i would do the same. go to an anti-war rally. i don't believe in yelling "anti-war" just for the sake of it. war is bad, but some wars are necessary. is this war we're about to declare necessary? i don't know. george dubbya says it is. conservatives say it is. liberals scream bloody murder and trot out in protest and demonstration.



i am neither a conservative nor a liberal. i fall somewhere in between. or rather, my thoughts find solace in both camps. i believe in capitalism and power to those who can grab it, but i flinch when i think about how the real world works. but this isn't really about being liberal or conserative or anything else. it's about paying attention to a world event. not for ego, not to sound smart, not for anything except to say that you live on this earth, in this country, in this neighborhood, and you need to keep abreast of what's going on.



i know more about movies, mtv, espn, random strangers (through blogs) than i know about politics and the state of world affairs. this is not right. life is more than relationships, careers, families, money money money. it's also about trying to get a grasp of the times we live in. the actions and consequences that shape the way we live and interact. san diego is a military town, if we go to war, thousands of families will be affected. if we go to war, i may not be directed affected --me in my suburban home, three car garage and free laundry-- the closest i'll get to war (hopefully) is watching it on television.



but people will go to war. i don't really care about the people dying. that's not as harsh as it might come across. what i mean is that i'm not swayed by the pictures of war torn countries, of starving babies, by any of that. it doesn't make me knee jerk anti-war. but i'm also not pro-war. but i'm not against the war. at least that's where i stand now. although i am prevented from standing anywhere by the weightlessness of my psuedo-knowledge. by not being against the war, i have to understand why my gut instinct is to say that. i should have some idea of why i might say that. or have some idea of why i may not really think that.



what i need is to be educated. to be aware. be it through websites, newspapers, magazines, television and/or conversations with people. we are blessed to live in america. i am blessed to be living in suburbia. but to take ownership of humanity is to care. and even if you don't care, perhaps it's enough to just know.



my friend challenged me to start by listening to a radio show hosted by amy goodman of democracy now. i will be trying to obtain knowledge, from the left and the right and all points in-between. this isn't class, this isn't religion, this isn't social. it's life.