there is humility and then there is humbleness. sounds the same, but i think in effect, there's a slight difference. technically, the definition of humility is the "condition of being humble." sounds obvious and identical, but it's not. i think alot of people exhibit humility. shying away from compliments, giving due props to the right people, de-emphasizing their strengths and accomplishments. this is easy, because it's far "nicer" if a person has humility, as opposed to being a pompous ass and big headed about everything. people who have humility are everywhere and let's hope that they continue to be everywhere.



however, having humility does not necessarily mean that one is humble. for a humble man is "marked by meekness or modesty in behavior." a humble man also "shows deferential or submissive respect." how many of us are really humble? the answer is, i have no freakin' clue. i know i am not a humble man. quite the opposite, my head is blown out of super proportion and i think i'm the best damn thing since canned corn. it's very difficult for me to be humble. it's easy to exhibit humility, but as i said before, humility can just be an act.



it's hard for me to take the words of others and to listen to them and to change myself because of them. if their words make sense and i respect them, i will think about what they said alot. but at the same time i'm more inclined to think that i am right in any and all circumstances. and some people say that they are humble because they --in a situation when they are totally incompetent-- abdicate control. that is not exactly being humble. if you know you suck at something, you back out for the good of the your pride. that's just reality, not humility or humbleness.



how does this lack of humbleness affect me? i'm not sure. but as i've started to realize this about myself, i know to an extent that i'm proud of it, unwilling to change it, but also in the process of figuring out how it could be an all positive non-humbleness (that sounds totally wrong). thinking that you're cooler than peppermint is only good if you actually are. having a confidence and swagger is bullshit if it hinders you as opposed to enhances you. maybe the first thing to do is to give authority figures a chance. to follow instead of question. it's hard to do. because i'm so used to just tuning out people out. * nod and smile * nod and smile * but maybe it would be better. then again, maybe it wouldn't because wisdom isn't the sole province of the aged. i am not interested in humbling myself before anyone or for anything (that seems so against my basic nature and philosophy), but there is perhaps something to maintaining a healthy dose of humility and humbleness.



and for the record, humbleness isn't better than not being humble. i actually kind of dig the people who know that they're the shit and then talk like it. to a point. there's a real "i'm it" and then a fake "i'm it." if you use your powers to hide your insecurities and to shield your failures, you probably don't have it. just my opinion. but hey, if you know you're good, yell it to all the world. like him.