novocaine. nectar of the gods. the dentist is truly a terrible place to be. but i've come to terms with it. when you've had as many cavities as i have, the shots, the scraping, the drilling, it all becomes oh so routine. seriously, i've had so much enamel taken out of my mouth i could build a world class miniature of the taj mahal. but my teeth are worth more now, unless the fillings they use are totally useless and cheap, like lead. some of the dentist stuff is kind of fun. the little suction thing that sucks up all your spit, the molds they take of your teeth. all that "bite, open, close" stuff makes it seem like you're an obedient guard dog. taking x-rays is kind of cool too, because you get to wear that heavy lead apron to protect you from the evil sterility that is x-rays.



dentists are pretty freakin' amazing too. they are micro-engineers, building canals, crowns, bridges, all sorts of stuff into your mouth. how people in the old days got along without dentists is beyond me. it must have been really distressing for the native americans who started losing their teeth to rot when europeans introduced sugar into their diet. i can't imagine working and staring into somebody's mouth all day long. nasty. and what if you're tired and weary? one slip and blood could come gushing out of anywhere. i guess that's what the novocaine is for, to mask the mistakes and to numb the pain. if you could novocaine away all of life's hurts, wouldn't that be just dandy? but novocaine is a drug (not to mention a steve martin movie) and drugs are bad so i guess we're left with the only other alternative. jamba juice.



i have a gap from my gums to my temporary crown. it's awfully weird. i can't stop touching it with my tongue. i'm afraid to chew or brush on that side. i'm wondering if it'll be painful after the numbness wears off. i should ask the expert on crowns. it's incredible to see how bloody the sponges and implements are after they finish with you. it hardly hurts while they're doing it and oftentimes, i find myself staring at my teeth through the reflection of the dentist's glasses. i'm like, "oh dang, he's really going to work in there!" but i never really associate it with my mouth and my blood until after we're done and i'm rinsing and spitting out all sorts of weird crap.



we used to get lollipops and candy after a trip to the children's dentist. isn't that kind of wrong?



the mother of my children will need to have strong healthy teeth. i have weak teeth. i'm clean believe me. i brush and floss religiously. but my teeth just get cavities. some people never even have to visit the dentist. some people don't even have to have braces (yes, curse them). this is what results from humans overcoming natural selection, the strong and the weak survive and some are left with weak enamel genes. like me. luckily i'm compensated by receiving the correct number of appendages and sensory objects. i suppose i should be thankful. i also don't get sick much. that's nice. but if someone were to cull the human population based on potential, for the sake of good gene pools, i could be out. my children need a fighting chance however, so the woman i procreate with would hypothetically need to have great teeth genes, if only for the sake of our future generations. good teeth usually implies a nice smile too, which is attractive. bonus.



louis used to say that he needed someone with nice teeth, i'm starting to think that it wasn't just an aesthetic prerequisite (because we know louis isn't about looks right?) but now i'm beginning to think that maybe he knew something and just wanted good teeth for his sure to be hard eating, hard chomping children. this is why louis would be a good dad. because he would give his children all the important tools necessary for their physical survival, like good height, good teeth and a voracious appetite. he would try to pass on his tetris skills too but since he doesn't have any, it would prove hard to pass on. hi louis.