loserville, usa. it occured to me this weekend, that taking my current life facts in a slightly different light, i'm a grade A loser. i live at home. with my mom. i'm twenty three, soon to be twenty four. i have no job. i have no degree. i have no clear goals. i have no short or long term plans. i don't have a bank account. i don't even have a credit card. the grandest argument for my continued existence is probably....ah i dunno.....nintendo? however. i try to spin all these things so that they come out like i'm a confused yet soon to be successful semi-talented person. it works most of the time. until i hear about some loser sitting at home, without a job, living with his parents. and i screw up my face and go, "loser!" but then i stop and think about it. "hey! that's me!"



luckily, me and victor decided that in this day and age, living at home isn't really that bad. as for that no job, no degree thing. nobody can really justify that. it was very interesting talking to chris yesterday though. gave me some perspective. from a wiser angle. i recently found an outline of goals that i made when i first got to new york. it was titled, "the inquiry and evolution of egotistical veracity." the purpose was for me to become a Responsible, Aware, Self Evaluating, Successful, Happy, Organized, Balanced, Logical, Respected, Ever-Growing person. so far, in two years, i've achieved exactly....none of those. but the list sure looks nice. maybe i'll print it out and frame it.



perhaps the most interesting thing about this realization is that i'm not really affected. it's like i see it all now. but it doesn't really motivate me to become that person. instead i'm still kind of content to muddle around and see what might happen. i'm damn good at muddling. big important things go in one ear, swirl around for a bit and then exit the next day. i'm very efficient like that.