man down! as i was watching gilmore girls yesterday, i couldn't shake the feeling that the characters and the dialogue were somehow too smart, too biting, too witty and too sarcastic. there was not a normal person in sight. every character was sarcastic with a capital sarcas, even the fruit delivery guy. what world is this? i've never heard normal everyday conversation like this. nobody talks this way. certain individuals of course, but everyone? impossible. that made it a bit unreal to me. the references to pop culture, books and general trends were really just too well done. nobody is this good.



christina will lambast me for this (for even comparing gilmore to dawson's) but it was the same feeling i got watching dawson's creek. "kids don't talk like this!" and with gilmore it was like "people don't talk like this!"



the way to penetrate my lonely soul is by sarcasm. lots of it. scathing sarcasm followed by pauses for silent moments of "wow, that was good". or sarcasm so swift that it goes over everybody's head except for one or two people. that's the best. they say that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach but as you all can see, the food that goes into me is quickly processed and shat out the other end with no nutritonal value left behind to sustain me. so thus, i have to derive protein from sarcasm and the occasional 90% saturated fat ice cream.



if only i could assemble a sarcastic dream team of sorts. then we could engage in pointless sarcastic banter all the live long day. actually, half of my all star sarcastic dream team lives right here in san diego. and the others, excepting one, are in california. so really amit, when are you moving here? however, i feel like all that sarcasm could get to be a bit much -- like hanging out at a comedian convention -- so you need a few straight men. there are no straight men on gilmore girls (or straight women), leaving it to be a big imaginary bubble of all out sarcasm, all the time. it takes some getting used to.



the only gripe that i have with gilmore girls is it's distinct lack of eye candy. it kind of prevents me from really getting into the show. somehow, pre-pubescent girls and mommy figures are not enough for me. i need semi-hot chicks to really keep my attention. see? i'm a guy. really.



there's nothing so winsome to me as a properly placed sarcastic remark. my dream woman would cut me down at every opportunity, in a biting witty manner. oh wait, all women cut me down at every opportunity, albeit very directly and not so jocularly. so close to the dream, yet so far away. i think i'd take banter and witty repartee over actual conversation any day of the week, wouldn't you? dry humor is also a huge plus, although i possess none of it. send your dry sarcastic friends my way please.