the big unit. so i'm starting to read this book, cad: confessions of a toxic bachelor. the book is about what it sounds like it's about. pretty self explanatory. despite having only flipped through and indulged in a few chapters, i have already found many ideas that need to be blogged about. in some ways, this book is pure genius, if a bit tedious at times. but prepare for an onslaught of cad related blog topics this week. i'm setting the table with a preview of what's to come so that you can know what to skip until you're really really bored at work next week.



today: the reference train.

tomorrow: why the quirks that we love most about person in the beginning of a relationship become the things that are the most annoying at the end. everything loses its cuteness, even you.

friday: empty spot for one more mass appealing topic. we'll call it "surprise."

monday: i don't work anymore. expect me to be by a beach, reveling in my good fortune. feel free to call me and i'll try to give you a few seconds of the waves crashing.

i won't even remember what day it is anymore after monday. glory be.



in the book, as they are writing down the pros and cons of a particular bachelorette, they mention that she cannot "ride the train." she is apparently unable to keep up her end of the conversation as it jumps from topic to topic and reference to reference. maybe you start at your trip to france, then jump to the art of the louvre, from there you go to the da vinci code, and then to the state of the bookstore and other recent number one best sellers. then you transition swiftly onto the olsen twins, dropping hints about their birthday being last week. then you go on to breast implants and their effect on men (none, i've researched this, not personally of course). how far along the ride did she come? was she able to keep up with all the connections?



i also took the reference train to mean something else. how well she/he can pick up and zing back comments, usually witty -- since dull comments do not zing. i have no good examples of this, but you'll know it when you see it.



also, the reference train might be a way to test to see how much a person knows about a certain topic. or how much they are actually into something when they say "oh i like that." so if you drop a side comment about "tribe", does she know that you are talking about tribe called quest? or she says something about "wasn't dmx part of that group?" and you can just dump her right then and there. when you talk about cars does she say "hubcap" or "that shiny wheel thingie"? this is a very important way to ride the train. in fact, it's the most fun and arguably, the most useful. you need to know what other people know, so by dropping a few crumbs for them, you can see how much they can pick up.



my favorite example of this is when girls are like "yeah, i love basketball (insert any sport)." and then you have to test that knowledge right? to see if they are into it or if they are just saying that to try to curry some man favor points. you say, "well, who's your favorite team?" they say, "the lakers rock, woo hoo!" and you say "yeah how bout that game the other night? you watch that? man, that walton kid is amazing." now comes the moment of truth. if she responds with (a) yes he is (b) who is walton? (c) yeah but kobe really was the star, you know that she isn't a true fan. the only correct answer to this question is (d) "well, walton has great court sense but he didn't even get off the bench last game, although he was pretty clutch in game three." or some variation on that.



it hurts me to see people talking about things that they really have no idea about, and pretending like they do. it actually physically hurts. like i ache for them and the day when they will look like utter fools.



this method is also useful for knowing how much a person really wants to talk about a certain topic. if they say they like snowboarding but they can't differentiate between heel and toe, it's probably best to assume that they aren't as into it as they would like you to believe.



so, that is the "reference train." learn it, love it, since i will be using it. possibly a lot.