i'm a beau-ti-ful butterfly! it's time. to see if a change can indeed be made. if i can make myself a non jealous person. if i can try to pretend to believe in rational, logical things. if i can have faith in the power of mind of matter. then i should be able to do this. *this* is reshaping myself into a responsible person. into a person with conviction, heart, timeliness, organization and maturity. and ability to suck up my gut and do things that i don't really want to do.



my mom is gone. for a month. which means i have a whole month alone. and strangely, i'm going to try to be good. as in, work, study, eat, sleep, as well as play. i'm even going to try to wake up earlier than ten minutes before i'm supposed to be somewhere. is it possible to flip a one eighty and become something you're not? i think so. i would like to believe that anything is possible if you want it badly enough. and what's been holding me back is the fact that i haven't been wanting to face responsibility. but now, approaching one year, it's not a matter of want anymore. it's a need. if i can't do it now, i better find myself a different line of work.



the last few years, i've been advocating the idea that jealousy can be eliminated, insecurity can be eliminated, everything can be eliminated. now the question is: can laziness be eliminated too? the answer is probably yes. i wonder, if i become a responsible non-lazy jon, will i still be jon? that's a question for another day i guess. and a moot one if i never get to a proper responsible level. i want to declare this day as a "the beginning of the new me", but my motivation tends to wax on and wax off. and i said i would sleep at midnight. and here it is. 12:34am. that's strike one already. off to a rip roaring start people.



(brian had a really good metamorphosis quote on his desk a few years back. i don't remember it however. but it would of fit.)