Karina has arrived. With her coming, the last month of summer begins. It's scary to think that it's August already and i can clearly see the various events that will be occupying my life until September. Angie's house this weekend, possibly a trip home to San Diego, Janet concert...a soiree at Amit's. August will be packed. Strangely enough, i have no view of September whatsoever. I know i'll be in class and Hong will be gone. Anything besides that will be a toss up.



I heard today that another friend is getting married. She's an old friend whom we've known since maybe first or second grade. I heard from George that she's engaged. Craziness. But i'm happy for her. On another note, Jimmy, who recently departed to Brussels, is now stationed in the Bahamas. His job requires him to switch venues every few months and his first assignment is in the Bahamas...how sick is that? Then again, when i talked to him today, he said that he just got run into by a bus so maybe not all is well down there. Either way, good luck to both of them. It's scary and invigorating to watch everyone's lives slowly coalesce and come together.

The Neon One is gone. Deion Sanders, aka "Prime Time" has retired from football. He will go down as one of the greatest players ever. In his prime, he could shut down one whole side of the field and make opposing quarterbacks reluctant to throw towards him. Deion embodied many things but most of all, he was extremely talented. Yes, he did talk alot and was an endless self-promoter but i respected him despite all that because when a man is that good, he can afford to be a little brash. Part of the reason i'm an Atlanta Falcons fan is because i love Deion. When he moved onto the San Francisco 49ers, i was happy to see him win his first Super Bowl. Deion was larger than life. I loved watching him run an interception back into the enemy endzones while dancing and skipping down the sideline.



His skills have slipped with age but he chose to retire only because he could no longer play up to his "Prime Time" heydays. He will continue to play baseball (Deion is a two sport athlete) and i hope he finds some success and fulfillment there. Maybe next year he'll return to the Falcons and help inaugurate the new Michael Vick-Jamal Anderson "Dirty Birds." Forever 21.



(yes, that's right. i'm on deion's jock. believe it.)

"White chicks represent untouchable goods to imported male Asian action heroes -- be they Li, Chan or Fat -- who are welcomed and rewarded so long as they graciously cartwheel for Western audiences and not threaten the latter's sexual supremacy by appearing as sexual beings."

Blew alot of money today. First there was lunch and Jamba Juice and then an excursion into SoHo. Bought a cheap shirt at H&M but then splurged $100 on a pair of shoes. I've been looking for some shoes for weeks now and thanks the confident opinions of Leslie and Peggy, i finally got some. I really can't wear anything but white shoes but with their help, i purchased a pair of Kenneth Cole brown shoes. I don't know exactly how they're gonna go with my wardrobe but i gotta branch out somewhere right? I've never spent $100 on shoes, craziness. Also bought a couple of poetry books by Tupac and Saul Williams. After that we watched Made (which was tremendously funny) and ate at Uno's, making this Sunday a $200 dollar day. Sick.

Avalon had it's luao today and we basically geared our day around getting the free food and drinks and stuff. They had a band (the "Tiny Bubbles Band") and tiki torches and leis and straw hats and junk like that. I guess this is what my exorbitant rent gets me. We put out a blanket on the lawn and basically munched out and watched the band sing...poorly.



After that, i went with Kyle to meet some guy in the parking lot of IKEA to pick up a muffler he was purchasing. I don't know what these kids did but they had some really nice cars. It was like a mini-import showoff. One car was probably the cleanest Accord i've seen in awhile, with a muscular body kit but not overly huge. The black Civic was all tricked out too with nifty lights and guages and all manner of cool things.



Kyle ended up staying the night and me, him and Leslie sat around on the boardwalk and chatted. Mainly about race and the meaning of "asian-american" and stuff like that. By the time we moved inside, we had moved onto relationships and we were joined by Louis and Hong. One funny thing that we had going on was to define, with about three terms, the type of person we would ideally want in a relationship. For example, Leslie's was "Confident, Goofy, Hip Hop." Louis wanted "Sweet" (although i think he is slightly drawn to the wild and crazy). Kyle was basically broken down into, "a girl who can wear wifebeaters, is fashionably versatile and can play in the mud." I ideally would want "Spunky Hip Hop." Good conversation all around for sure.

Well, tonite was definitely a fun night. This was by far my best trip to Exit. We got there decently early so we had time to scope the place out. The hip hop room was actually really really empty so everyone got some room to dance and stuff. I love watching Leslie dance when she's happy and excited to be dancing, it's a beautiful thing. Exit has some really nice rooms (like the top floor which is outdoors) and it's so big that you can easily lose people. It gets a little annoying when you have to go to the bathroom or something but its a nice change of pace. Tonite was a rare night for me in the sense that i was feeling the trance music. Usually, i can only stand trance for 10-15 minutes but tonite it was really fun just bopping around. Alot of it had to do with Exit's style of playing trance music...they would stop songs and then slowly build up to a huge crescendo of excitement for the next song. It was a pretty effective method of getting the crowd hyped and screaming. Not a bad night at all.

I just got this Playstation 2 game a couple of days ago called NBA Street. It's amazing! Not exactly super deep or super hard but you can do all those moves you see on the Nike commercials and stuff.



We're on the verge right now of leaving to go into the city and eventually to Exit. Apparently, Busta, Missy and LL are going to be doing a mini-concert there or something. I'm a little doubtful but we'll see. I think the key to actually enjoying a clubbing experience at this point is to go into it with the attitude of "I will have fun." And to say that over and over. If i stop and think about it, every clubbing experience is basically the same so why bother going out every week? Then again, last weekend wasn't so hot so hopefully this weekend will prove to be redemption.

My plan for world Blogger domination is slowly coming together. Ever since that first fateful day when i set my intention down on paper, i've slowly expanded my Blogger circle to about fifteen people. It's taken a bit of hard work and a little canoodling but overall, i've been happy to discover that there is a tremendous need for Blogger in people's lives. Whether it be a daily diary of events, a journal or just general musings...blogger is making a difference. I was so excited to see James and Je-Yi recently decide to put up a secondary blogger to complement their current ones. Perhaps one day we will all share one big blogger on which to share thoughts about every topic under the sun. Until that day comes, to the naysayers who refuse to Blog, "You are mine. Someday, you too will blog. You will eventually crumble and perish and give in to the pure personal release that is blogger."



One thing though...as much as you can rely on Blogger to keep updated on people's lives, remember that is only a tool towards discovering someone's innards. The usual routes of friendship (talking, emailing, hanging out, drinking, smoking, balling) are still the best. Blogger only amplifies this friendship factor exponentially by providing a forum for discussions and thoughts that may not normally occur within the confines of a normal day.

The event of the evening was a trip back down to Alphabet City to watch some slam poetry. This time, the venue was not the Nuyorican Cafe but rather a nice restaurant/lounge place called Guernica. Lynn's co-worker had put together a night of poetry and rapping and music. Sounded pretty exciting and so me, her and Leslie went down there to check it out. Lynn's co-worker, Kevin, was real nice and we met a friend of his who was on a few episodes of Ally McBeal. That in essence was the highlight of the night.



To contrast with our last poetry experience at Nuyorican, this night started an hour and a half late and the quality of the performances were way lower. On one hand, i respect the fact that someone can get up in front of a group of people but on the other, i realize the huge gap between amateurs and professionals, or even good amateurs and amateurs. There were only a very few poems read (like four total) and they were very raw and unpolished. The MCs began pretty badly but after they stopped rapping about cars, ice and ho's they got a lot better. I respect Kevin's inspiration and motivation to put an event like this together but it struck me as odd to see only thirty minutes of content. What crystalized in my mind was the way i want to write and present myself through writing. Much of the time, i was listening to the poetry/rap and thinking about what lessons i can garner from this particular style and how much i really wanted to sit down and write.



Also watched Run Lola Run tonite, which i've seen before on the big screen. It is an amazingly original and brilliantly constructed movie. Check it out.

I have one of those cuts on my thumb that are so perflectly placed that it keeps on opening every time i flex my fingers. It's great. I just basically slept all day in some semblance of hibernation. However, it's a good thing because now i'm sick and disgusted with myself for sleeping all day so i'll be motivated to go do something extraordinary.

Hum. I'm gonna have to think about this.



Another beautiful line from the movie.....as Dorothy first meets the Scarecrow.



(Dorothy) "How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?"

(Scarecrow) "I don't know. But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't they?"

It seems to me that the Wizard is an advocate of the "actions speak louder than words" theory because in accordance with that statement, as long as you are nice and others are satisfied, the intention within you is irrelevant. I would have to agree with the Wizard because i feel like you can only truly become a great man through the opinions of others. One man's actions and compassion cannot be measured internally. There does leave room for the brown nosers and the phonies but men of true heart will emerge through consistent actions. The brown nosers and phonies will eventaully stumble and be revealed for what they are.

I think that's the implication. But see, i don't know if i can fully agree with that because then you could be reduced to just doing good deeds to curry favor with others. It then seems like the measure of a man's compassion would only be measured by the impressions of others.

Um...deep. So having a kind and generous heart is not judged by how much you care but rather by how much people are willing to care back?

Just watched The Wizard of Oz again today and was struck by this line that the Wizard says to the Tin Man as he gives him his heart.



"And remember, my sentimental friend...that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others."

I feel like i'm just waiting for each day to slowly roll by without any sense of purpose. Each week crawls along (in a good way) and certain events every so often make life interesting but at the same time i feel like i am waiting for something. I don't know if it's like i'm waiting for everyone to come for Janet and have that over with or i'm just in some weird limbo state with life. I was sitting in class today, bored out of my mind and my thoughts were just spinning everywhere. To be honest, i was getting a tad depressed thinking about the current state of affairs. Not that anything is bad, on the contrary, life is great. But, i feel like there is no direction and no goal. Like i need to put some serious thought into what i do, even if i only decide to sit around and play video games all day. At least then i'll be playing video games all day with a purpose! Ha.



Another thing i was thinking about was how much i missed certain people. Like Jennifer and Mary are both away and not that i talk to them that regularly but it's been awhile since i haven't been able to talk to either one of them when i wanted to. I also kind of feel like my brain is turning into mush and that i'm not being intellectually stimulated at all. I think however, that can be fixed a bit by reading and studing and writing more, in order to engage my mind in some sort of activity.



Last night, PZ and Leslie slept over and we stayed up for a long time talking about some stuff. I guess mostly about relationships and Michigan and people and such. We were all dead tired though and so eventually passed out. I want to write a ton of stuff down but my physical body just isn't up to it.

Central Park...yes. This whole week has been absolutely beautiful and for the first time this summer, we finally got a chance to go to Central Park. I was dying to go throw a football around and went to Modell's in the morning (yes, morning) to pick up a frisbee and a football and some other stuff. The walk there from Mandisa's apartment took forever but it was a really nice day so no complaints. I walk really fast. Really really fast. In groups of people, i like just spurting out to the front and that often leaves the rest of the pack behind. Just something i noticed.



Aniwaise. Our original plan was to go watch Craig David's free concert but it was way too packed so we just chilled in the Sheep Meadow. It reminded me of a beach except with no water. Everyone was spread out over this little stretch of grass, lolling around and working to get tan. Girls in bikinis, guys without shirts...poor deprived New Yorkers without any semblance of a real beach. The park security came by after like 10 minutes to yell at us and tell us that footballs weren't allowed (why i have no idea) so we had to settle for frisbee. I suck. Kyle and PZ are good though. We ended up only being in the park for maybe three hours but it was a nice excursion.



Had dinner at some Italian place that took forever to serve us and turned out to be not that good. It was Leslie's birthday so we took her to Cafe Lalo's later that night because she loves it. It's the cafe from "You've Got Mail." Two of Leslie's TAC friends hung out with us at the park and afterwards and it turns out one of them lives right near us in Jersey City. Overall, it was a really long day and everyone was pretty tired from all the walking and the heat and everything. We are weak weak weak.

Today was a "People" day. First off, Leslie moved into Portofino with Angie for a month while she looks for a permanent job. If she finds a job within a month, she's here forever. Yeah! She drove up (or is it down?) with her sister and we went for lunch at Cosi's. Then Andri stopped by Jersey City for the first time and got a quick glimpse of my apartment. She had to go pretty soon though so i just played ball until evening plans approached. Hong hit the last shot over my outstretched hand to win the last game and that was depressing but also nice in a way to see his skills progress. Course i would have much rather blocked the crap out of it but every man has his day.



Tonite was a juggle of coordination as we tried to meet up with Leslie's friends, Palak and Co, and Gerard and Mandisa. We finally ended up getting some dinner at Republic (where the waiter spilled a glass of ice water on Angie's lap) and then chilled in Union Square park watching some fire dancers. The rest of the night was spent at Climate Eight where Palak's friend was DJing. It was an alright nite. Yesterday was bad dancing but tonite was no dancing. Most of the crowd just stood around but whatevers, it was free. As we left, Helen dropped by for a quick second and said hi. I wanted to talk to her a bit but her friend was waiting so she had to go. Overall, we agreed the night was a C-. It's nice having a group of friends around you, standing in a corner, on the verge of absolute boredom, but enjoying the moment just because they're there.

Ok, all these great nights out on the town i've been talking about for the past two weeks have finally been balanced by a not so stellar night. I was pretty excited to go out because Palak was in town so we decided to meet up at Cream, this club on the Upper West side. We got there a bit earlier than they all did so we had alot of time to sit around. The place is pretty small but the music was decent in the hip hop room. However, the crowd was wack as hell. The only amusement was watching the infamous "white boy dance." There just was no vibe at all. I don't know if it was the lights or what. The music was good, the decor was decent, the crowd wasn't too tiny but there was just no atmosphere whatsoever. The crowd was kind of like an after work special or something. Older people who danced funny. Not to knock on older people or on bad dancers but some combination of two made the crowd wack. To top that off, the shots they served (i didn't drink any, just watched) were tiny and did nothing to elevate the mood.



We waited maybe an hour for Palak/Kumar/Jill and crew to arrive and that hour passed by very very...slowly. When they finally showed up i was so happy just to have people there and the rest of the time was alrite. It was real good to see Palak and stuff but in the end, we left Cream with a not so great feeling. It definitely has potential but at the same time compared to our other nights, it just wasn't good. I guess you can't be on a hot streak forever. Karma or something. Anyhow, we'll have to redeem it with a great night tomorrow.



:::To Palak if u ever read this: Despite the opinions proferred above, it was a fun night and a good time if only to see you guys. Thanks for calling to check up:::

Just got back from watching Legally Blonde, admittedley a movie i wouldn't normally see but it was actually quite funny. Reese Witherspoon does an excellent dumb bimbo and the movie itself is comparable to Clueless (inferior in my opinion but still good). I've been quite disappointed by the movies that i've watched this summer and i'll no doubt continue to be disappointed but so goes life. The best line of the movie is, "The rules of hair are simple and finite. Any good Cosmo girl knows that."



On another note, i was wheezing and hacking playing ball today. Not so much that but when we were playing two on two, i got so dead tired after a few games that my body just wouldn't respond. This used to happen alot when i would smoke alot, not play for awhile and then play full court but i guess today was the first time it's happened in awhile. I really need to exercise a little more because playing half court once or twice a week is not cutting it. I'm gonna try to get some more energy too because i've been pretty lathargic at times lately. So the mission to tune up the body is beginning now. I have no plan yet but i know i won't run. Maybe i'll just play ball or something a little more. This downturn in drinking has been accompanied by a upswing in nicotine so that can't be good.

Wow. Two whole days in the city and it's not even the weekend yet. Met up with Victor and Louis for lunch near Penn Station and then shopped around the area for a bit. Picked up a $3 shirt (!!!) and a hideous Old Navy Shirt that i love but i don't think anyone else will. After that, i headed over to Amit's to chill with him and Gerard. Got some interesting talk going on before we ordered a pizza and downed a beer or two.



We all planned to go watch Jurassic Park 3 tonight so we met up at ESPN Zone but ended up eating at Appleby's due to time constraints. Of course the movie was typical Jurassic Park: lots of screaming, running and dinosaurs. I set my expectations real low but i was really excited to see the dinosaurs and that part didn't disappoint (the pterodactyls were awesome). I can't even actually say the acting was bad, just the plot. Keep your eye on the animals and ignore everything else. A trailer for Ice Age, this new animated movie coming out in March, was hilarious as hell and a nice bonus before the movie.



On a funny life note. There's this girl who Brian and Hong have been telling me looks like Stacey One for years and years. They always point her out on campus and make me try to see the similarities. I of course don't agree but the funny thing was that she kicked it with us at dinner tonite because it turns out she's a friend of Gerard's. Ok, it's not really funny but highly amusing to see weird occurences like that happen. She asked me an interesting question though; "what's your motivation (in life)?" I didn't actually have a real good answer for that but i'll have to think about it. It came about in context of discussing what i want to do and what i plan to do as far as jobs and career and such.

I can see this is gonna be a pointless conversaton today so let me leave you with this, written by the Japanese poet Murasaki Shikaba (whose quote is in my soc book under the relationships and interactions section).



"You are inventing all sorts of feelings for me such as i have never really had at all, and then getting cross with me for having them. That is not a very amiable proceeding, is it?

Well yeah. But in a bigger picture, isn't this the kind of stuff that i think about anyway? Friendships, the dynamics of groups, analyzing people?

Great, now you'll have BS theories to back up your regular BS.

Well fine. I skipped some classes to play ball or to do whatever but i did fine anyway. Like i've said before, Baruch classes aren't exactly that deep. What i did get out of my two classes was the terminology and the research to kind of back up social musings and such: About the way people are, how they think and how they react, stuff like that. Social Psych had chapters on friendships, relationships, how people develop over time, the search for worth and happiness. Industrial Psych was more business orientated but had a lot of interesting things that dealt with how groups interact and how leaders emerge. We did a couple of exercises that analyzed the nature of a group's dynamic that made me apply various psychological theories to the social groups that i've been in, whether it's just friends or an organization like Huaren or dance.

Let me guess. You want to apply all these psychological theories to your life and your friends.

"I wasn't exactly a model student." That's just about the biggest understatement i've ever heard in my life. Ha.

My first summer session of classes are over now and although i wasn't exactly a model student, i did take alot out of my two classes, Social Psych and Industrial Psych.

Had a full day in the city, which is pretty rare. Had to take care of some school stuff in the morning and then wandered around Barnes and Noble for awhile looking at "Poetry For Dummies." Met up with Winnie and Carol at Saint Alp's in Chinatown for some buo-ba while we waited for Greg to come and eat with us. Luckily, we ate at Joe's Shanghai because i've been craving the shao long bao's for weeks now. We wandered around Chinatown for awhile, looking into some shops and stuff. Chinatown smells, straight up...its sick. Anyhow, i spent a few bucks on purely useless items like little basketball figures and a sheep that poops. The find of the day was this tiny tiny mah-jong set that is travel size, with pieces about as small as your fingernail. We played it waiting for Greg's church basketball team (they had a game at Chinatown's YMCA) and realized that the pieces are way too small. Still, a travel mah-jong set, pretty neat.



We ended up going over to Carol's apartment for a quick stop after that and i realized she lives a few blocks over from Amit so i stopped by his place and then we headed up to visit Randall and Gerard's apartment on 85th. Their spot is nice and all decked out, especially with Gerard and his pimp furniture (cheetah print pillows et al). We ended up watching Unbreakable for a bit until Hong and Lynn generously picked me up after their movie. I've decided that M.Night Shyamalan is a great director and the more i watch Unbreakable, the more i appreciate it. I was one of the few who liked it in the first place but watching it a few times over has given me even more insight into Night's vision and prowess. Check it out.

Everyone is gone. There's always this moment of emptiness when our apartment is free and clear again. Nobody on the couches, nobody on the floor. My room becomes big and spacious without luggage everywhere. I would trade all that in though for people to visit all the time. Then again, i get nothing done when people are here. The next big flood of people will be here in a month for Janet and that'll be pure craziness so i guess i can take this time out to settle things and buckle down and come up with a "life plan."



The past two weeks has seemed incredibly long and it's been fun all the way through because of the people visiting and the excitement of meeting new people (Mandisa, Anne, Amy) and getting to know some other people better (Amit, Randall, Gerard). I feel like the vibe has been really good whenever we all get together to explore the city or to chill out. Rationally speaking, we haven't had like big huge deep conversations as a group but i feel like there are so many things we could talk about and get diverse opinions on. I hope that happens at some point despite the fact that everyone will only get busier and more occupied.

Just got in from a night out in the Village. It took me forever to get out to the city to meet everyone else because the trains were wacky and i ended up taking a cab up to Amit's anyway. So that kind of sucked. But the night was really good because we got to do some dancing (at Asylum), some talking (at some Irish pub that played jazz music), and some eating (falafels at Mamou's). That actually describes my ideal "go out" night pretty well. I'm still on my non-drinking kick so costs were low (except for the cab fares throughout the night which ended up being a shocking $20-ish). Asylum was playing some really good music for awhile, some old hip hop songs that made you go "ooooh!" everytime the next song came on. Stuff like "Poison" and Dee-Lite.



When Hong leaves, its gonna be really frustrating to go out at night i think because i've been pretty spoiled this summer with driving all over the place. Lynn and Hong didn't come out yesterday so i was the only Jersey-ite and i had to cab and the PATH it home all by my lonesome. I think i'm gonna work on getting a car or something before winter hits. It's nice having people who live in the city though, to have a place to sit back and chill. Ok, i'm dead tired and i need to shower. Nite.

Stayed up all night on a marathon session of Tetris with Chrissy and Connie. The result of this dawn breaking event was witticisms like "One plus one equals conspiracy" and my favorite, "Go Me!" Tried to get a tan at the pool after that but the sun wasn't cooperating and the pool was dreadfully cold so basically i just sat around as the clouds played havoc with the weather. While we were eating lunch at IHOP, Jimmy decides to call and inform me that he is at Newark Airport and leaving for Brussels in two hours. This is after no word from him in over a month (admittedly he was in Taiwan). Anyway, i rushed out after lunch to try to go see him for a second at the airport and got to the gate right as they were finishing up boarding. I was trying to talk my way onto the plane to see him (because they said he couldn't come out for security reasons) when i get a phone call and look over my shoulder and there the bitch is, calling to say goodbye from a payphone. So anyway, we got literally three minutes of talking in before he had to go but it was cool anyway. He's gonna be gone overseas training for at least six months so it'll definitely be awhile before i see him.



The other highlight of the day was the arrival of my Polaroid Webster which i put to use immediately to upload my recent I-Zone pictures. You can't even imagine how happy i am to have another useless toy to play with. I was actually quite impressed with the Webster's scanning quality. From now on, i hope to supplement all this text with some visual aids.

It's been a busy past few days. Had my first summer session at Baruch finish on Thursday. Met up with Brian in-between classes to get some buo-ba and catch up a little since i haven't seen him in forever. Last night, a few of us planned to go to Webster Hall because PZ and his friends were going so we decided that this would be a good time to get out and dance. This was after all, the Cheung's last night so we wanted to do something exciting. As it worked out, cover was $30 and nobody was feeling that so we basically just got some buo-ba at Saint Alp's and then went to Amit's apartment to chill and drink a bit. The night was kinda weird because everyone kept on seeing random people all over the place. Actually, it was mostly Kyle who started running into all these people from high school or whatnot. And then we ran into some Michigan people at Saint Alp's and also on the street walking back to the car. It's a small city.

I've been struggling recently with my prospects for the future. As of now, after my degree is finished in December, i have no concrete direction to go in. Recently, i've felt the inspiration to be a writer. Perhaps for magazines, perhaps short stories, perhaps novels. I'm trying to compose my thoughts and practice my literary skills but having done this in the past, i know that i will soon hit a mental roadblock. Even when i sit down to write poetry, the moment of inspiration quickly passes, leaving me with a few good lines and a confusing swirl of mental excess. I think what i would like to do best is to create something through writing, be it a world or a series of novels where my characters can live and breathe. I had always wanted to write a witty, non-fictional account of the life of a 20-something but i realize that besides being overdone, that particular genre already has it's groundbreaking new authors (Dave Eggers of "A Heart Breaking Work of Staggering Genius" comes to mind).



So i'm kind of stuck in a rut. The film side of me is still there but i'm beginning to see that as a longer and longer road. I think maybe i'll try to go to the Asian American Writer's Workshop to gauge and evaluate whether being a writer is a viable alternative for my future.

Just went karaoking in K-Town. It was like watching a concert actually because Amit's friend Chau, who we used to go watch sing "Foolish Games" for 58 Greene, has a wonderful voice and i just wanted to sit there and listen to her sing. It's funny because freshman year, me, Hong and B used to be like 58 Greene groupies and went to watch every concert and now half our friends are Greenies.

I just shaved my head again. It's very.....white. I was gonna bic it but right now it's really really white so i have to tan it first. I figured this is my last chance to do weird things to my head (because i'm still only in school) so the plan is to grow it out a little and bleach it later. I love it. I feel very free.

So you're complaining about what again?

Nothing i guess.

Well no. I'm not really against it, i'm just saying that it's very strange. Like i'll be explaining to someone how everyone knows each other and i can basically do it in one sentence, "Oh, we all went to Michigan." Then again, it's not like these people aren't enormously interesting or cool. In fact, it's actually easier and more welcoming to have something in common with everyone.

Ah yes. It is a little pathetic. You're stuck in a little Ann Arbor bubble. Spread your wings. Fly.

But see, even with everyone i know in New York, whether i know them or meet them or whatever, they are all connected somehow with Michigan. She knows a friend of a friend. Or his sister knows this person or whatever. Oftentimes, the only people i'm meeting are people who just went to Michigan. I mean, it's really cool of course, to meet these people who i've never seen on campus before.....but at the same time, i look around and go, am i not making any new friends at all?

It happens. It's a small world. Six degrees of separation. It's not really a new phenomenon. Get over it.

It amazes me how many people here are connected to Michigan. A few days back, no less than three people recognized somebody i was with from Michigan. Like random people would be running into us all over the place. And then at the poetry slam, the first guy up at the open mike turned out to be somebody that Babbs recognized who also went to Michigan. It's kind of sick actually.

Mandisa said something in passing like, "You're so chill all the time." That phrase resonated in my head for a minute and i kept on thinking about it because over the past week, i've felt very very laid back. I've enjoyed it of course but i wondered at times why i didn't feel like dancing or upping my personal energy level. It was kind of weird. At the clubs and lounges, when everyone was dancing, i just wanted to sit there and talk or watch. Obviously i'm a pretty laid back person in general but i'm not sure what the cause of this extra "chillness" is. I'll have to ponder on it some more.

Today was a loooong day. The plan was to wake up early to play basketball so we would have time to go to Jamba Juice before we picked up Chrissy and Connie. It turned out that they weren't coming until Sunday so we ended up sleeping in and didn't ball until about two. After that, an unplanned nap occured and by then, everyone had split up and gone off to do their own respective things in the city. I went with Kyle and Fon (?) to Hot Import Nights as we had planned after being inspired by The Fast and the Furious. It took us a while to get there even though on the map it was only 3.9 miles away from my apartment. After a few mishaps and useless directions from the good people of New Jersey, we finally made it to the convention center. Upon arrival, we plopped down our $19 to oggle at really really expensive cars (and maybe the occasional coed). The show was pretty cool, even though at first i was afraid it wouldn't match up to the caliber of the Californian import shows. Actually, it was fun walking through the parking structure looking at the parked fixed up cars because they were more "real".



After a few hours at the show, we met up with everyone at this bar/lounge called Vintage in Hell's Kitchen. I'd never been there before but it turned out to be a really chill spot with a lot of comfy couches and chairs. It was very much like chilling at home with the music on and the lights dimmed down actually. The martinis were apparently very good (they had a very large selection) but i only had sips of a few. One good thing about Vintage was that it was chill enough for everyone to converse and we pulled even pulled up a couch so all 12-16 of us could sit somewhat together. Invariably however, in a large group like that, four or five conversations break out amongst different groups and a "group meld" didn't really happen. The night was filled with good conversation though. I had an especially interesting conversation with Amit centering around the feelings and dynamics of relationships with friends and such. It's hard in a large group setting to get conversation time in with everyone but i guess given time, things happen. I just feel like that this week has been so great that i want to talk to everyone and keep interesting conversations afloat even though i know we'll probably see each other the next day and the next. But as Monday approaches, this brief moment of bliss may fall away.

Yesterday's plan was to go to the Nuyorican Poets Cafe on the Lower East side to go watch a poetry slam. The Nuyorican Cafe has a lot of history behind it and i was really excited to go check it out because i've been reading some slam poetry over the past year. I'd waited until Babbs got here in New York to go so finally the planets aligned and we were on our way. Everyone ended up all meeting up and then finding out that the slam wasn't on until ten so we ate at a Moroccan place complete with hookahs. I miss smoking at Fumari's alot and just getting a few minutes with the hookah made me think back to San Diego.



Anyhow, afterwards we went to the slam and watched Good Sista/Bad Sista perform and then five poets slam through three rounds each. Most of the stuff was pretty good and a few pieces were amazing. Good Sister/Bad Sister had this piece about Pokemon (and how it ties into the imprisonment of African-Americans) that was intensely creative. This one poet, Anish (who ended up winning), dazzled the crowd with three pieces that were all entirely different and incredibl well written and delivered. His last piece, called something like "I'm a lesbian, buddhist, independent film-maker" was off the hook and was incredibly funny. After that, it was a little late but we stuck around for open mike night and got the chance to hear Babbs go up on stage to do his piece. Overall, the whole slam experience was incredibly tight and it was eye-opening to finally see a slam live.

I feel like this week is slowly creeping by because each night we've done something, which is far and away different than our norm. After lounging and hanging out for the past couple of days, tonite was the night when we would venture out to a real club. We ended up going to NV (my favorite club in NYC) really early, in time to get to the open bar and free drinks. I'm still slowly swinging my way back into alchohol after the Kyle fiasco so i only garnered one free tequila sunrise. It was nice because nobody was really there besides us so we had space to chill and watch the people filter in. As usual, the music was pretty good and everyone had a good time. I just kicked it in the corner booth most of the night but had alot of fun regardless, talking to some people, listening to Hong speak of his soon to be opened new club in San Diego.

A holiday complete with basketball and barbeque. And friends. What else could be better? It took a while and a few plan changes to gather everyone together today but in the end things worked out real well. We ended up going to Amit/Mandisa/Anne's apartment on the Upper East side to hang out for the night. They just moved in and had no furniture but i kind of enjoyed the minimalist, polished wooden floor look. They have a really nice place complete with a porch and a backyard (in the city no less) so it was cool to be chilling outside, surrounded by huge, tall buildings everywhere. There was some interesting talking going on, highlighted by us going around in a circle and making a "statement" about relationships. I can't remember them all but some of them were like this (paraphrased):



"Always let the woman think she's in control."

"Be an individual and be who you are."

"Girls think too much and guys don't think enough."

"Girls overthink everything."

"Don't get emotionally attached." (guess who said that?)

"Don't say things unless you mean it."

"If you have a body pillow, you don't really need a boyfriend."

"Patience."

Just got back from a really fun hip hop lounge called XVI. The scene is just about perfect there in my mind because it's real chill (with couches, not super crowded) and yet there's enough of a vibe going that if you want to dance, you can dance. The crowd is real interesting and the place is real small but overall, it's a dope place. We were supposed to be go to bOb's (another hip hop lounge) but they weren't letting people in so we went to XVI instead. It's the first real summer "outting" and it was real fun. Everyone got together and we all had a pretty nice time. I was kinda feeling lazy and whatnot and didn't really get into the dancing but i enjoyed the energy of having a bunch of friends around immensely.

For all of you who need to read. THE book club to be in. Right here for your convenience. Join us for our monthly novels and even if you're far away, please read along and post book discussions.

Whole 'nother issue. Let's not get into that.

Starts making you question how much you work to keep your "nice image" alive doesn't it?

See, that's why when people say that i'm "nice," i kind of deflect it away because i know that all the things i do, i do for purely consciously selfish reasons. I mean, i'm pretty in tune with what i get out of each situation and so i'm constantly weighing if this act will make me happy enough to do it.

It makes sense i guess. It isn't romantic or sexy but it makes sense. Kind of. One can't live by the demands of others all the time.

Well now, i wouldn't like to think of myself like that and i don't think i "prostitute" myself to their every need but hopefully i make them happy as well as making me happy. There are definitely times and moments when i'm just not really interested or motivated to be "host." But the other times kind of off set it and i come out looking "nice." Which is good, but not necessarily true. I mean i'm nice for sure but exactly how nice can you be and still be yourself? I feel like all the nice things i do, i for myself, which is a good thing. Like, as long as i get something out of it, i'm not being "too nice." That make any sense?

So basically you're admitting that you're only nice so that people will like you. Meaning you do anything to prostitute yourself to have people like you.

Well, yes, if you had not interupted, i was going to say that this isn't really because i'm a "nice" person. It's more like i enjoy having the responsibility and mantle of being host so in a way it's a selfish desire. On Friends, Phoebe and Joey were trying to figure out if there were any nice deeds that didn't involve self pleasure. Like anything good you did was partly out of a "wow, i'm such a nice person" motivation. I mean, i feel that's very true. People are motivated by only their own selfish goals (not to use selfish in the traditional "evil" light, just selfish as in self serving).

Let me point out that this it for your own self-serving needs. You want people to like you, so thus you are nice. Simple as that.

I've always had this affinity for being the host. I really enjoy taking people around, showing them things, satisfying their needs and stuff. Not so much in a hotel concierge way but more like trying to make sure people are having a good time. It's like when i'm in a large group and i know some people are feeling uncomfortable i'll try to engage them with the rest of the group or whatnot. When i first meet people i'm pretty cordial and attentive and all that.

This coming week is gonna be insanely exciting because Babbs, Connie, Chrissy and maybe others are all coming out here to play. Everybody is finally flowing into the city and hopefully some good times will ensue.