propinquity = reciprocity? in shocking news, the closer you physically are to someone the more chance you'll have of building an attraction towards them -- and vice versa. i must have missed this section in my social psychology class because i had no idea what the term "propinquity" meant. actually my class attendance record probably indicates that i missed lots of sections, and not just in this class. think of the knowledge i willing slept through.

there probably needs to be a sub-section in the romance chapter of social psych to account for why people fall in love with each other through the internet. i think i could write such a chapter. much of it would have to do with revealing photos and detailed profiles with a long list of "favorites." those always seem to work well. social psych scientists must be flabbergasted at the growing number of online hookups. it tears away at the very logical fabric that they've used to contruct their attraction theories. "wait, people don't have to actually see each other to fall in love? but it says here......"

let's look at what else social psychology offers us in terms of liking and attraction. otherwise titled "how to get the girl 101."

the four strong influencers of attraction
(1) spatial contact - proximity or propinquity
(2) physical attractiveness
(3) similarity of attitudes, values, and demographic variables
(4) reciprocity or evidence of liking

in a well funded study on twins, there was found to be no apparent genetic or shared-environment effect on mate selection. which basically means that if you and your siblings (and cousins or god forbid, parents?) happen to be attracted to the same person, you're both just sick and can't blame it on god.

(1) propinquity (i don't even know how to say this word properly). being close to someone provides the opportunity to interact and get to know them. pheromones also don't work so well from a distance. winks, sultry eyes, smiles, and flexing however, does work from a distance. being exposed to someone increases familiarity and familiarity breeds....contempt? it also breeds attraction. basically if you hang out with someone long enough, chances are you'll probably want to kiss them at some point. even if it's only a fleeting thought. that's propinquity.

(2) physical attractiveness. once the proximity barrier has been breeched, physical attraction comes into play. stunningly, more well funded studies have found out that physical attractiveness (or "PA" as scientists like to call it) is the most powerful predictor of liking. it's hard to believe researchers use "liking" as a scientific term isn't it? they're so fifth grade.

people of comparable PA are more likely to match up, they also tend to stay together longer (unless you're a celebrity in which case reverse-PA seems to happen a lot). people infer positive attributes from beauty. yes, it's true. it took researchers many years to figure this one out i'm sure. beauty equals good, ugly equals bad. note that the gift of PA isn't necessarily always positive. "inferences of lower intelligence and attributional ambiguity when receiving praise or benefits" can accompany high PA.

the effects of PA tapers off in adult years, and does not predict life or relationship satisfaction. good to know. plastic surgery is still an efficient and effective way to fix yourself. medical advances have pushed recovery time to a bare minimum and i have plenty of band-aids to hide any unsightly bruises. remember, pain is temporary, beauty is forever.

(3) similarity of attitudes, values, and demographic variables. once you're hanging out and physical attraction has commenced, "mind melding" is the strongest predictor of further relationship developments. people choose partners with similar age, race, class, regional origin, culture in part because of proximity but also because this common background makes attitude similarity more likely.

correlations between couples are .40-.60 for attitudes, .46 for education, .45 for physical attractiveness, .37 for IQ, and about .15 for personality. the only feature for which complementarity holds true is the trait-pair dominance-submissiveness (i have no idea what this last sentence means).

similar attitudes help in a relationship because it provides social validation of your own attitudes. being able to hang out with someone and partaking in joint activities, leads to joint experiences and the building of a strong relationship foundation. similarly minded people also tend to have the same negative inferences about other people, meaning you can gossip and bash other people together. big bonus.

however when you disagree or argue, similarity of attitudes can be disastrous since it will then reflect on how different you are from each other. and make you question if you are truly "right for each other" or "soulmates." right honey?

(4) reciprocity or evidence of liking. if you find out that the other person likes you, your own attraction level increases. you also probably get giddy. scientists postulate that this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. if you know someone, anyone, likes you, you get an ego boost and thus more confidence. confidence is good for the skin. girls dig it too. if you are to err on one side of the line with regards to confidence or cocky, go cocky every time. lack of confidence is a bigger turn off than cockiness. chicks dig dicks (and assholes). they don't dig whimpering simps.

with evidence that someone likes you, your ego is flattered but also, your fear of rejection is lowered. in lieu of actually having someone like you, alchohol is a good substitute for lowering fear of rejection, if only temporarily. alchohol is also a good way to get people to like you, or to find out if someone likes you. i mean, so i've been told.

there it is. the four major antecedents of liking and attraction, presented by knowledgeable social psychologists everywhere. i'll distill the lessons we've learned here into some simple steps for those of us who don't know big words like "propinquity." actually, i'll do that tomorrow.