hakuna matada. i'm watching this thing on mtv about people who choose to take steroids. it's somewhat illegal, it's definitely harmful to your body, but the short term gains and effects are "positive." so it's basically sacrificing your long term health for short term happiness. which is really, my entire being. i can't think long term; never could. some people live in the future or the past, i'd always preferred to live with both feet firmly planted in the present. i prefer to ignore everything that could negatively impact my future if i'm having fun now.

i was really hoping that by the time any health problems kick in for me, they'd have cured everything. i mean, this was the utopia i had envisioned as a teenager. but i realized a few years ago that no, there weren't any miracle cures coming my way anytime soon. anything that breaks on this body is going to be permanent and probably irreplaceable. sobering when you realize that the aches and pains that you have now, at a young age, will just be multiplied as you move upward in years. i don't see how the elderly ever wake up every day. once arthritis sets in, or your vision blurs, or whatever. it seems like torture. i don't give them enough credit i guess.

gene, when i asked him what made him stop smoking, drinking, all of that stuff, explained it to me this way. he had met a woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life (wedding pics) with so he wanted to make sure that he would have a long rest of his life, as well as a quality rest of his life. so out went drinking, smoking, etc. and that reasoning made perfect sense. as if suddenly giving up the things that are toxic to your body (and mind) wasn't such a drastic move. or a move made at the coercion of another person. it was a mindset that said "i have a future to think of and head towards." which is what growing up is all about i guess. somewhere there's a correlation between maturity and planning ahead.

of course, you could extrapolate that kind of rationale to eliminating things like say, fast food, but that might be taking it too far. mcdonalds is quality of life as far as i'm concerned. anyway, my point is. as we approach our thirties, these will be the concerns that face us. "how will i feel about my health, my job, my life, when i'm forty?"

i find it strange that in thirteen years or so, i'm scheduled for a mid-life crisis. it seems to be too soon. i'm think i'm gonna push my mid-life crisis to sixty. just to give me some leeway in case i'm behind the curve when i hit my forties. surely by the time i'm sixty, miracles of all shapes and sizes will be commonly available. which would make the crisis so much easier to deal with.