stop it, just stop it. serious pet peeve. when people use nicknames for any city but their home city. examples: hotlanta, the d, illadelph, frisco, daygo, saint looie, brick city, oaktown, skeeno, big apple...whatever. i'm way not cool enough to know any of the nicknames for other cities; as you've surmised, i'm not up on my transitory hip hop. but i'm sure there's a nickname for every city, even if your city is so off the map nobody knows what you're talking about. san bernard!!! i think it's only okay to use a city's nickname if you're actually from there. it's also passably okay if you're doing something deragatory with your statement. comma, period, end of story. i'm actually against anyone using certain nicknames for their city -- some nicknames are just stupid -- but whatever, i'll let it slide.



while we're on the topic, i'm sort of against anyone who uses the term "peeps" to describe their friends. i know people who do this and it never fails to amuse me, and not in a good way. maybe "peeps" isn't even a "cool" thing to say anymore. i don't know. be safe, don't say "peeps." i might have to start a list of things that people should never say. or if you have to say them, say it in a psuedo-mockumentary, self deprecating manner, which is what i'm convinced i do. although my friends disagree. anyway, stupid friends.



while we're on the topic of cities. this summer, when everyone was here for memorial day, i woke up to a rabid discussion about the use of the term "the d" for detroit. not whether "the d" should be applied to detroit but rather who could use it. i only walked in on the back end of the discussion so i missed most of it. but the point was that unless you lived within a certain acceptable distance of geographical detroit, you were not from "the d." where to set this imaginary line? no solid answer was provided. now, why would anyone want to associate themselves with a city that they lived thirty miles away from?



ah, i see you've never visited the midwest.



let me help you out. because of the vastness and relative obscurity of the midwest (no offense), it's usually much easier to say "i'm from detroit" instead of "i'm from troy." if you say "troy," you get a blank stare. it's easier to just pick the biggest most recognizable city and say that you're from there. this is perfectly acceptable. i may live thirty minutes away from downtown san diego but i'm from san diego if my mailing address says so. this should be the rule of thumb actually. you are from wherever your mailing address says you're from. it's simple, the us postal service has separated us out, why not listen to them? it's not like they're crazy or anything.



the other, more despicable reason to say that you're from a particular city is for the social cachet it provides. unless you hail from bethlehem or smallville, chances are your little town ain't shit compared to the big one nearby. so the natural tendency is to associate yourself (at least nominally) with the big city. who wants to be from "a suburb of san jose" when they can be from "the bay." or in our aforementioned case, who wants to be from "a little town near detroit" when they can be from "the d." street cred baby, everyone needs some.



now, the city that this "city cred" phenomenon most occurs with is new york city -- or more specifically, manhattan. manhattan is an epicenter of cool and cosmopolitan. because of this, i've heard people declaring their allegiance to new york city when they live ten hours away (within the state of new york) and have been to manhattan twice in their lives -- both times in middle school. hypocrisy. oh wait, but jon you say, didn't you used to declare "i live in new york," when clearly you lived not in new york but across the river, in the armpit of america, new jersey? do i suffer from this social malady too? did i feel the pressure to present myself as cool and cosmopolitan and say "new york" instead of "new jersey?" maybe yes, but i doubt it. i mean, technically i was half a mile away from wall street and the world trade center. i was closer in distance than any of the boroughs outlying manhattan. and if i had to, in a pinch, i could run to manhattan in fifteen minutes. which allows me to say manhattan right?



but, as it was pointed out to me, technicalities cannot save the man. so, ever since i realized that i've been saying new york instead of new jersey, i go out of my way to declare that i actually lived in jersey city, not manhattan. because i wouldn't want to falsely lead someone on and bask in the glory of the city that never sleeps. am i not admirable in my honesty? yes, i was a new york poser okay? are you happy now?!