hot n' fresh out the kitchen. beautiful people get all the perks. not only are beautiful people getting into clubs for free, now they're getting paid to stand around and create "vibe." as reported by usa today, "party motivator" is a growing job function. a party motivator -- also known as eye candy, gallerinas, hot people -- must be beautiful and personable, and fun! now when you throw a bash you don't have to just plan for a DJ, decor and security, you need to import beautiful people too. "each event has a formula, and it's always important to make the right mix. sometimes it's models, athletes, entertainers, a-list celebrities. it all depends on what the people are looking for."



everyone knows that beautiful people are more fun. even if nothing's going on, at the very least, beautiful people can sit around and stare at each other. as you can probably surmise, most party motivators are girls. with one notable exception being justin guarini, who got his start as a party motivator before moving on to movie star icon. so, what does it take to be a successful party motivator? looks, personality and talent. while many party motivators boast some degree of all three (and most people don't have any of the above), most tend to fall into a "type":

eye candy. "you could say these young men and women are so beautiful that guests will do anything just to be near them." think halle berry.



good timers. "able to relate to anyone, from a 13-year-old boy to a 60-year-old woman, good timers use conversation as a tool to relax and involve guests." think tom hanks.



the entertainer. whether it's dancing, singing, magic or juggling, entertainers draw the guests into the festivities by getting them actively involved. think justin timberlake.

if in doubt, dress like a celebrity and try to gain entrance that way. "julian says he spotted at least three lenny kravitz look-alikes at parties over the mtv weekend... and more than a few britney spears wannabes wandered the recent blender magazine party at the shore club, adding a bit of a fellini-esque atmosphere to the festivities." the next big time club i hit up, i'm going as john cho. instant access and vip treatment. instant.



according to the article, the main "problem" with hiring beautiful people to hang out at your party is that one is never sure which beautiful person is being paid to be there and which are just there waiting to be picked up. i mean, this is a huge problem for me. i don't want to waste my time handing lollipops to a girl that's not even interested in me -- the real me, the inside me, not the outside normal looking one. i mean, what if the girl i'm talking to is just talking to me because she's being paid to do a job? and she's not really into me at all? how could i tell the difference? i guess i just won't talk to beautiful people at all. good plan good plan. or one could go with this rule of thumb i like to live by: if i have to wonder why she's talking to me, and what a lucky bastard i am, she's probably getting paid. or doing mandatory community service.



this "party motivator" phenomenon is spreading out from the swanky clubs and lounges into the real world. "party motivators also are showing up at bar mitzvahs from los angeles to long island, often scantily clad young women brought in to dance with the 13-year-old guest of honor, a trend that has upset more than a few rabbis." upset the rabbis? i can't imagine why. if religious communities would only open up and embrace the use of beautiful people as a means of ensuring attendance, i'd bet you'd get a hell of a lot more people into churches/temples/mosques. religions, always the last to adopt cutting edge marketing tactics.



trust me, if every female penitent looked like monica bellucci, you bet your damn ass i'd be at church on sundays. praise the lord. "sign me up for the co-ed bible study please. i think i'll need an accountability partner too, i'll take the striking brunette in the third row, thanks." you wouldn't even have to pay the church motivators with real money, just promise them that they'll get to cut in line at st peter's pearly gates -- or do beautiful people already get a vip line there too? anyway, i see nothing logically wrong with this plan.



so, how can you become a party motivator? just walk the streets man, and look beautiful. "jason says he finds most of his talent just walking city streets. and then we train them in the rudimentaries of how to flirt, dress sexy and dance. some people have it. they're like magnets. they attract attention and people. and some just have it but need to be molded a bit." if you already have the elusive "it" but are in need of some training, this might be the perfect life internship for you. learn to flirt, dress sexy and dance! what do you think girls have been doing since their teenage years stupid? i blame seventeen and ym.



i would like to find a job that pays normal people good money to show up at clubs. this way the pretty people will feel even prettier when they stand, or get photographed, next to me. isn't this a great idea? my business card (and matching t-shirt) would read "ego booster - i make you look good." or maybe i can get hired to walk around during asian themed parties. "authenticity" would be emblazoned across my chest. well, "authen-" would be, "-icity" would probably wrap around my sides and back. i have a small chest okay?