love? actually, not really. i must admit, i saw the ultimate romantic comedy of the season. you know, the one starring hugh grant. no. not that one. the other one. no. the other one. the one where he plays a rakish smarmy goofy but devastatingly handsome guy? yeah, that one. the movie is supposed to be about all kinds of love. familial love, obligatory love, love between friends, backstabbing love, unrequited love, lust love, love love love. for the most part, i couldn't remove myself from the "this isn't love" mindset while watching the movie. some of the stuff on screen i couldn't argue with. laura linney's love for her brother? i can see that. liam neeson's love for his son? easily emoted. but all the romantic loves they were attempting to portray and display? totally off.



laura linney throwing herself at the hot graphic designer? lust, and being in love with being in love. the secretary throwing herself at her boss? power and jewelry. the prime minister (hugh grant) falling in love with the coffee and biscuits girl? no clue. simple lust? and the worst of all, colin firth deciding he wanted to marry his house maid despite them having no verbal communication whatsoever. firth's character, jamie, finds his wife in bed with his brother so he leaves to go to his little italian cottage to write. he has a young house maid there who happens to be this side of unattractive but due to her prescence and timely stripping to her undergarments, he decides that he's in love with her. even after they have parted ways, he keeps thinking about her and during christmas is forced by the hand of love to travel to her to declare his need to marry her. this was a rousing moment in the movie. jamie being flanked by all of the house maid's family and friends. wow! they are in love! clap clap. and don't even get me started on the precocious six year old who was just too cute for words and had a little crush of his own. ridiculous. i'm so against overly intelligent six year olds at this point. except dakota fanning. she's cute.



the reason i can't stand romantic comedies for the most part is that they are designed to tug on your heartstrings *here*here* and *there*. i don't like that. i don't want to know when it's supposed to be love. i don't want to see overly dramatized moments. i'd rather have it creep up on me, "oh they are in love." the only romantic comedies that i can stomach either the really funny good ones or the ones with some intelligent dialogue. one of the best in my book is my best friend's wedding. that was good. four weddings and a funeral? excellent. i need some sadness with my romantic comedies. kill off the dog or something.



i'm not here to say that i didn't like the movie. well, actually i am, but it wasn't a totally unwholesome experience. movies like this just tend to set off the supreme cynic in me. actually no, i'm not that much of a cynic. but when love is contrived and pushed together and then summarily presented "wrong," i don't like it. there aren't any really "right" ways of love. but there are wrong ways. wouldn't you agree?



actually i did learn something about love from this movie. i learned that i am in love with keira knightley. she is lovely. i recently saw bend it like beckham too, and pirates of the caribbean will soon be on my blockbuster rental list. ms (i hope it's a ms) knightley is quite stunning. something about the way she talks is kind of annoying but for love i can overlook these things. and really, despite her being gorgeous, she must have human flaws too. i mean, she probably has disproportionate incisors or something. i can deal with that, after all, love conquers like attila. doesn't it?



and hell, since i'm here, i might as well say this too: singing along to some great "classic" song and then shaking your booty or whatever in a movie? out. very out. i need to witness a giant sing along or somebody dancing in their underwear before i can accept this movie fabrication as truth. and again since i'm here: bep doing "where is the love?" is the worst one minute of radio time ever. but you knew that.