you og’d and you od addicted. addiction sounds like such a terrible thing doesn't it? addicted to something is being dependent on something. it means habitually or compulsively occupied with or involved in something. addicted to music, addicted to cars, addicted to snowboarding, these are all "good" addictions. addicted to alchohol, addicted to chemicals, addicted to ice cream, addicted to drugs, these are "bad" addictions. so the question is, "am i addicted to cigarettes?" being addicted to cigarettes would probably be categorized as a "bad" addiction i'm guessing.



of course, i don't think i'm addicted to cigarettes. i don't think i'm addicted to anything. i only smoke after huge meals, after basketball, when i drink, late at night conversating, or sometimes after waking up. hum. my whole life consists of eating, basketball, late nights and waking up. how many cigarettes a day are we talking about here? two a day maybe, sometimes four a day? that's not addiction is it? a pack a week?



i feel like i can stop whenever i want. i can stop right now if i wanted to. but i have no real incentive to really stop. my health is okay (short term). the complaints about the smell i can handle. the cost benefit ratio of plus cigarettes versus minus cigarettes is workable in my budget. i've heard that girls don't like cigarettes but really, what's that to me at this point? so as you can see, no solid incentive to stop smoking. i really thought playing basketball everyday would get me to quit smoking. i mean, i was heezing and wheezing for awhile there. but now i've settled back into my physical prime and i can run and smoke as long as i want to with no ill affect on my play. alternately, perhaps my play is just so weak now that the effects of smoking on my endurance is no longer noticeable. but i'd rather not think about it that way. i can still run like a handsome crippled deer.



i've been smoking for four years now. that's not a super long time. but it's not short either. why not buy cartons some people ask? because cartons mean i'm addicted. and the sight of a whole carton of cigarettes is a little intimidating. there is some serious long range planning involved in buying a carton of cigarettes. that's two months of life right there. so i don't buy cartons but is that just avoiding the issue?



addiction isn't as blatant as "i gotta have it right now or i'll hit something." sometimes it can be much subtler. never stopping because of lack of incentive, thus allowing something to remain in your life for an eternity. doing a little bit here, a little bit there adds up. i'm no crack whore looking for the next hit but am i the guy who says "just one drink?" the smart thing to do is obviously go cold turkey. that's the exclamation way of declaring that i am not addicted. the other way is to cut nicotine intake down to an absolute minimum, like two a week. or only smoking right after a really spicy meal. special occassions as it were.



but i don't think i'm addicted. i enjoy the comfort of cigarettes, which has grown out of four years of using cigarette time as "thinking time." but that could be replaced by anything. but i enjoy the five minutes that i get alone with a cigarette. to sit on the curb, to make a quick phone call, to just stare up at the sky. i could substitute something healthier i suppose, but for now, why bother? then again maybe it's time to just stop for awhile. not to see if i can, but just because why not? it's gotta be easier to stop smoking than to go full out veggie again.



saying that i've been consecutively smoking for five straight years kind of scares me. i don't want to be a five year smoker. the thing to do obviously is to go back and figure out what month i actually started smoking regularly. and then make a plan to quit right before that month so i can not be a five year smoker. very rational and practical isn't it? the power of logic and a clear mind overwhelms me.



if cigarettes were deemed healthy and could add three months to your life, would you do it? even though it smelled like shit and made everybody not want to talk to or kiss you? if cigarettes were like an life enhancing vitamin, would all the taboos against smoking go away?