shopping. taipei is admittedly not the most cultural city in the world. despite some cool parks and buildings (the chiang kai shek memorial is dope), it's safe to assume that most people don't go to taiwan for the culture. they go for the shopping and the food. usually in that order. night market is to heaven as twin sister is to shopping. i'm a shopper too, i love to shop, i love to spend money i didn't earn. but some other people can only stomach so much shopping, i understand.



even though i didn't buy particularly much, i shopped alot. i like wandering in and out of stalls, winding around streets and shops, eyes scanning for an item to catch your attention. everything is so damn cheap in taiwan that you really can't resist buying. cell phone lighters? cigarette shaped lighters? got'em. pens? pencils? pins? got'em. cards that reveal naked women when you hold them up to a flame? got'em. well no. i didn't get'em. other people did. fifty four naked ugly chicks just didn't do it for me (the three of spades is officially the ugliest, most horrific girl. now you know.) great novelty item though. fake purses and real purses? got'em. shoes and clothing? george got'em.



my big prize was a brand spanking new blue digital camera (this color is not available in the states people). one that is so tiny you can hold it in one hand and still use chopsticks in the other. amazing but true. cost me a bundle but hey, i'm on vacation. my i-zone has now been replaced by a newer more technologically advanced toy. the joy that little camera will bring me, i can already sense it. why i never discovered the infinite happiness that comes hand in hand with digital camera ownership before this past week is well beyond me. so get ready to smile. or not, because we can take pictures over and over until i'm satisfied, now that i'm unconstrained by pricey film. if god is not spiritual in format he is at least digital in design.



oh, also got this incredible doraemon plush toy that can record a short voice message and play it back verbatim. that means repeating back to you in exactly the same words. YOUR words! technology is great ain't it? yee-haw. the only way to get this little treasure is by ordering food (but not necessarily eating food, that's optional) from kfc in taiwan. yes, i have an exclusive doraemon plush toy. pinch me if i'm still alive. lastly, found some taiwan university paraphenalia in the form of t-shirts. had to search long and hard for these items and without the help of victor's extended family, we probably wouldn't have gotten our taiwan university stuff. those taiwanese college kids have no school spirit. if i was attending the "harvard of taiwan," i would be daily rocking the loudiest gaudiest "tai da" t-shirt to declare my superiority. i mean, i would be the cream of the crop, from a country that makes little children study till their eyes bleed. rub that kind of excellence in when you can. shit. god made you dorky and slight for a reason dammit.



speaking of taiwan university. it is stunningly out of place in taipei. it is beautiful. the athletic facilities are new and grand. the main palmtree lined avenue is a postcard from ucla. it's so odd. to step onto this campus and be transported to a whole 'nother world. victor's uncle and aunt both attended tai da and they gave us an excellent and informative tour. i expected nothing like this. i expected brown or princeton or yale, dilapidated buildings fronting as the sole proprietors of human intelligence. but instead, i got a modern west coast campus rich in design and devoid of centuries old mildewy funk. i'm not bitter at yaleprincetonharvard btw. it's not like i even had a chance at those exclusively snooty schools. i'm just lobbing bombs at them for those of you who were rejected unjustly. you deserved to get in i'm sure. 1599 SATs and 4.99 GPAs?!?! you were robbed fo shizzle. all admitted until flat out denied, isn't that the american way? or maybe it was something about innocence and guilt. whatever. at least i can say i was never rejected by an ivy. suckers. if you should ever step foot on formosa, go to taiwan university, it's delectable.



shit. this is getting way long. oh well, how often do i have interesting things to blog about? read on.



food was delicious, as expected. my only goal was to get good food in taiwan. and that wish was fulfilled quite adequately. the bread stores were delicious. the bread was excellent too. the seven-elevens had fruit flavored milk and other cool drinks that i didn't even know i missed from my youth. not to mention warcraft three hanging off the shelves, which is seriously taking convenience to a whole new level. i love taiwan. i had many many bowls of beef noodle soup at various eateries. and buns of all shapes and sizes. well, most shapes and sizes, not all. many things were eaten and there's no need to bore you with the past contents of my bowels. let's just say that if food were this cheap in the states, i would be a hulking one hundred fifty pound road grater. alas, i live in the land of five dollar fried rice and weigh only not so much. academic slackerdom and clean air in exchange for a few pounds of superficial bulk and muscle? tough choice but i'll go with slackerdom and clean air for one hundred. actually, two hundred now that trebeck has upped the ante.



clubbing in taiwan was done only 2wice. once on new year's eve with je-yi and louis and another time post-new years. both times nothing special to write home about. but exciting enough to warrant blogging about (what isn't really?). we went to "plush," one of the few clubs that played good hip hop, or so we heard. everyone passed out at enid's for new year's so it was just me and my crap awful mandarin in a cab to meet up with louis and je-yi. we got to plush late, decided not to go in, cruised the "living mall" and then went into the club after the new year had passed. a sidenote: the living mall is dope as hell. a giant ball of a shopping mecca, it is pretty damn unique and it was mad crowded, with people bungee jumping off the rafters during new years. go see the mall, it's open twenty four hours, although that seems like slight overkill, even in a consumerist culture. in contrast to the "living mall" braggadocio, me and victor went on a monday night and the place was dead as a doorknob. anyhow, we missed the hip hop portion of new year's eve and the second hand smoke was terrifying (although strangely, my first hand smoke was fine). poor ventilation and FOB-stank? yes please, may i have another? but new years was cool, got to clink some plastic glasses (filled with suspiciously non-alchoholic coke and alchohol) with je-yi and louis to ring in 2003, on foreign soil no less, and how often does that happen? more than once a lifetime let's hope.



clubbing anywhere is bound to be the same. especially if you're narrow minded and frequent predominantly asian nation hip hop parlaying clubs back home like i do. shorter people, less rhythm, tighter pants, lots of inane bouncing, older crowd. that was plush and taiwan clubbing in a nutshell. music wasn't half bad. between sets of techno the DJs had some good hip hop on when we went out again on friday night. we were even swindled into drinking heineken to score some metallic heineken cd cases. if anything, the techno was wack as hell (think techno beats mixed with your 70/80s favorites, for one solid hour) and the hip hop was good. it was interesting watching the guys in the corner who dressed "hip hop thuggish." i wondered if they knew hip hop or just used it. probably the latter. i'm done with clubbing. no sense in it for me. no joy, just pain. like sunshine and rain...... had a blast dancing on friday though.



i saw many relatives. and that was interesting. many thoughts on the existence of relatives and my relations with them, but that will have to wait for another time and a clearer head.



i've realized that in leading this charmed life of mine, where every day is fruitcake and candy land, i don't fully appreciate the concept of "vacation." speak to me in a few, after i've been ground to a stub by workday hours, and then we'll see if i think twelve days out of the country was only "good and not great." we're related, ricky schroeder and i. can't you see the family resemblance?



hope everyone had a hale and hearty new year. back to the grind.