Five minutes ago i got a flight back from Michigan for $120. That's for next Sunday. Imagine that two years ago. Impossible. The advent of the internet has allowed us poor students to go cavorting about the country, halted only by pit stops in random airports like Pittsburgh and Cincinnati. Because of Travelocity, Priceline, Hotwire and other such services, those with a flexible schedule can run around the country on the cheap. For our trip to Miami last spring break, everyone Pricelined it and got cheap tickets. Our Tahoe trip last winter was made possible through the magic of auction airline tickets. James and Victor got up here to New York for $180...that's cross country from LA to New York! I am in awe of the power of the internet. It used to be that you had to plan months ahead to go anywhere, now i can almost be assured of getting a last minute ticket anywhere under $200 dollars. If that isn't a case for the advancement of technology, nothing is. The only down side is getting stuck with little twenty seater airplanes that make me freak out and grip the seats in anticipation of a fiery crash landing...but hey...for $120 you gotta have some risk involved.

I just returned from a butt kicking downstairs at the basketball court. There's this guy Skip who is amazingly good. Apparently he was star at New Mexico State (a Division 1 school) and tried out with the Atlanta Hawks before his knee blew out. Anyhow, he's maybe 29 or 30 now but he's still damn good. Of course the mere fact that i'm even on the same court with this guy sort of demeans the competition but there are some decent players at Avalon. Basically, he can hit from anywhere on the court. Avalon is only a halfcourt place so once you step in the main doors to the gym, you're within his shooting zone. It's sick. He's not really very tall but he's super fast and super quick and can jump pretty damn well too. And this is him not trying too hard, i'm sure he's even better against real competition. I have to guard him on occasion and really, it's like a toothpick (literally) versus a tank with rocket boosters. I love watching him play though because he's so smooth. Deep down inside, i would like to believe that i have the same sort of potential, waiting to be passed onto my offspring...ha...who am i kidding?

Tonite was the grand finale of Hong's life in New York. He leaves with a vague idea of the subway system and strong opinions about the deficiencies of New York. I know that he's happy to go back but i also wonder if he'll miss it here. I think he will but time will tell. At the same time, i envy him returning to California because in a way, i wish i could be back there too. We took him out to go eat at Asia De Cuba, which is this very elegant very beautiful (and very expensive) restaurant. I've been there once before but i still haven't seen anyone famous. Last time Leslie went two weeks ago, she saw Hilary Swank and Eddie Murphy, how unfair is that?

This is funny...for once i feel you completely. Emotions are a great and powerful thing but human nature evolved an intelligence to deal with the lesser baser aspects of self. Opening yourself up to dangle in the emotional winds of whimsy is just asking for a world of hurt. How much better to employ your superior intelligence and control what you can. However, there's a very thin line between control and repression so be careful not to go too far overboard.

Maybe we're BOTH repressed.

See, i think the the mind is a powerful thing. Not that emotions aren't important but they are less predictable and make less sense. If i'm sad for some stupid reason and i know it's stupid, shouldn't i do everything in my power to prevent that kind of thinking and sadness again? That way, things that irrationally bug me and make me unhappy....won't.

I don't really think the two are related. Happiness and sadness are opposites but i don't think you need to necessarily experience one of know the other. People who envision happiness and sadness as opposite ends of a scale are not thinking correctly. One does not need to sink to incredible depths to experience pure joy and elation.

The current leading theory is that because i remain detached and rational all the time i allow myself to only feel a certain amount of sadness, and thus i am only a certain corresponding percentage happy. I get asked that alot too..."So are you ever really really happy? How can you be if you aren't ever really really sad?"

Wait wait...why is that being repressed? Don't most people rationalize away their sadness? Telling themselves to "look at the bigger picture" and convince themselves that "life isn't really that bad." How are your rationalizations symptoms of repression?

I've been asked many a time if i'm ever unhappy or sad. To answer that, i always say..."Of course i get sad and unhappy." But, i think that only lasts for a very quick moment because i think about what is making me sad and then i try to rationalize it away. I've been told that it's pretty unhealthy and potentially i'm just repressing things.

"Organize Life" day is going quite well...considering i woke up about an hour ago. Last night, i figured out some important things by talking with my dad. I talked with Angie and figured some other things. I plan on settling my bills and figuring out my financial situation as well as cleaning my room. I hope to have time to stop by school to pick up some information and figure out exactly when and what my classes will be. Baby steps towards organizing life...after that i'm gonna try to write alot of emails...ambitious aren't i?

I am incredibly tired. After so many days of staying awake forever, i'm finally starting to hit the wall of fatigue that was inevitably there. Watched Rent tonite which was amazing because Maristella was lucky and got front row seats right in front from the lottery. I've seen Rent three times and i think this will be the last time for awhile because after sitting a foot away from the actors, what more can i really expect to see? I could examine their facial imperfections (not that there were many) and see all the little coordinated movements that i never noticed before. And when we stood up to give them a standing ovation we were like right next to them and i felt really really weird. I tried to not stare too much during the show but i kept on wondering if they noticed the people's reactions and stuff sitting in the front row.



Other than watching Rent, we ran around the city, buying random things and wandering around. It was pouring for awhile but then it cleared up pretty nicely. Had dinner at ESPNZone and walked around Times Square after the show. All in all, ten plus hours in the city is amazingly draining and right now i'm just dead on my feet. I think i'm gonna go watch Reality Bites which will be good because it's still one of my favorite movies and watching it always makes me think after post-collegiate life. I need to organize my life tomorrow. Tomorrow will be "Organize Life" day.

Everyone is more or less gone now. After a morning of cleaning our apartment is less of a war zone and my bathroom is once again sanitary and sparkling. Ryan left to Europe and i guess it's finally hitting him a little bit that he'll be there for a month. Yesterday he mentioned that it would be weird to be among so many people for so long and then to be suddenly traveling all alone over a continent. I hope he finds whatever it is he needs to find in himself there and i'm interested to see what those things will be. I sometimes feel like i would like to take a sabattical like that but i know i would just end up jumping off a bridge or something in loneliness.



I asked James yesterday how this trip compared to ECASU and we basically agreed that it was different. Last time, everyone was only here for a few days so everything was really busy and packed in. This time, there was a lot of sleeping and Tetris-ing and Dr Mario-ing and just straight up bumming. Half the time our blinds were pulled and we were lost in our little cocoon of an apartment. For me personally, i enjoyed this past week alot just because it was that...a week. The time pretty much flew by and admittedly we didn't do all that much but to have everyone around for a full week was wonderful. I do certainly have to get on with some life responsibilites so i guess it's ok that everyone left. I think the best night i had clubbing would probably be at Cheetahs on Thursday but i'm not sure if that's because i was the most buzzed there...or maybe because Victor and Leslie sang the dramatic interpretation of "Part Of Your World" with me outside McDonald's...or maybe just because it was the first night out and everyone got in...who knows?



This is it i guess. All my excuses for delaying the inevitable are over and i really have no plans for more fun (oh, except i'm going to Michigan for a week this Friday so i guess that will be the final last hurrah). It'll be good though to get some down time after so much excitement over the past month. Karina and Leslie both got jobs (Leslie at aMagazine and Karina at an architectural firm) so they'll be here for awhile. My brain is still overflowing so i think i'm gonna go try to write or something. Thanks to everyone that came to visit...come again...

The "Soiree at Midtown" has come and gone. I would have to say that from my perspective, the Soiree was a great success because it was crowded as hell in Amit/Mandisa/Amy's apartment. We got there a little later than planned but i guess that happens regardless of how hard we try. I think everyone was on the verge of partied out-dom but i think everyone got their last taste of New York in. We haven't played Mafia in two days and i know that Palak is in withdrawal but right now she's passed out so i doubt we're going to be playing anything.



I'm feeling really really weird physically. I'm not really sick at all but i kind of feel that way. I've come to a life decision. After next week's trip to Michigan, i'm gonna stop smoking and drinking for a month. And i think i'm gonna go veggie (although i'm not sure if that's really a good idea right now). We'll see if i change my mind. There's this feeling i get sometimes in the midst of chaos when i feel like i'm in a little bubble and my mind is racing through tons and tons of ideas and thoughts. Inevitably however, no matter how hard i try, i can't remember what i was thinking about in time to write it down. I guess i'll have to work on that.

As the week draws to a close, i'm thinking back over all the weird and atypical things i've witnessed this week. James getting puke drunk...Victor getting silly drunk...George and her buddy...Lynn getting her freak on...Anthony Mason at Cheetahs...people yell, scream and cry (in happiness and not). Living with so many people for a week really allows you to see the interaction of everyone and everything. It's beautiful though, i'm so glad that George and Victor could come up and experience New York and meet everyone.



I'm not even going to try to figure out how much money i've spent so far...i'm just gonna make up an arbitrary number and put that into my books.

Right now...they are marking up poor drunken James with various sayings such as "I'm the worst Mafia player ever" and making arrows that point to his armpits. He's never puked but apparently he threw up five times or so and left his mark on the roads of New Jersey and New York. Ha....happy birthday Wank.

There is a lot of sitting around with a group of 15-20 people. Today we were supposed to hit up the MoMa (the Museum of Modern Art for those not in the know) but we woke up at 2pm and didn't really attempt to mobilize so that plan was shot. We ordered $75 worth of Dominoes and just sat around and played Tetris until we got so fed up that we made a plan.



It's hard to describe the organizatin of twenty plus people so i won't bother but let me say this: it is a slow and agonizing process. However, despite our original plans of heading out by 9:30, we were successful in getting out to Bar XVI by 1am. Just to give a quick run through of the night: a few beers, a quick buzz kill when Steve got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep (?!?), shady ass guys, James getting loaded up, Victor getting loaded up, everybody having fun and then dancing in the hall area because we didn't want to leave. Overall personally, the night wasn't as crazy as last night but that was a good thing.

Tonite was craziness. First, there was a whole ordeal involving passed IDs and trying to get all our young'uns in. Angie and Co eventually got Sujeet (aka Kumar) in after they wouldn't let him in because his ID was "expired." Regardless, we all got in and dumped hundreds of dollars at the bar. Palak got tight with the bartender (Molly) and she was cool as hell apparently and gave out free drinks and even drank with people. There was some crazy drunkeness going on. First up, Angie had to leave and then Amit left. I've never seen either one that drunk and sick before. I was right on the verge of sickness and couldn't sit down in fear of a recurrence of pukage. I only had four shots but my weak system apparently can't handle alchohol at all anymore.



Palak is sitting here telling me to mention the "buddy system." I wasn't there but the other night everyone had buddies when they went out so they wouldn't get lost. So far, this is what i've gathered about the buddy system: PZ and George are buddies. James and Heather are envious of that buddy relationship and so have to hype up their buddiness. Palak was buddies with Kimmie but she got left for Anna. And the only other thing i know is that poor Victor was buddyless the whole night.

Tonite was the Janet concert which was simply amazing. There were about 16 of us last night and even though for the most part we were all split up, everyone had a great time. It's amazing to watch thousands of people all just focused on one person. Everytime she came out in another great outfit, the crowd went nuts. Janet has so many songs that she could have gone on for hours and hours without losing any quality. It's astounding to think of how long she's been in the business. I loved her opening stage set which was very simple, clean and sophisticated. Her dancers were also amazing as well. I've only been to one other arena concert, Britney Spears, which didn't even compare to this experience. Overall however, i would still say that my favorite concert was Lauryn Hill a few years ago. I'm not sure why, maybe because it seemed like Lauryn's concert was a little less polished and a little more rowdy and fun.



I look back to when we made all the Janet plans back in May and it's cool to see it actually working out so well three months later.

*silence*



That is what's going on in the apartment right now. It's crazy. Everyone but me, Hong and Ryan left to go to the city. We're sticking around to finish various things and waiting for Anna to get in. I've been to the airport twice today...once for Sujeet and once for Maristella. We're approaching maximum capacity here at Avalon Cove. There are only so many toothbrushes, towels and mints i can provide....



A quick rundown for those who need to know. People who are staying here: 7 Michiganders (Lynn, Karina, Anna, Kimmie, Palak, Maristella, Sujeet), 3 New Yorkers (Amit, PZ, Sam) , 3 San Diego-ites (Hong, Victor, James) 2 Los Angel-ites (Steve, Ryan), 1 Chicago-ean (Heather), 1 pair of twins (me and George) and 1 fat cat (Thumbkin). That brings us to 19. This is not including the day visitors who are Leslie, Angie, Keimay, Randall, Gerard and Kyle. We have a packed house ladies and gentlemen. But we always have vacancies so COME OVER AND PLAY WITH US!!!

Everyone is more or less here now. The apartment is still clean and beautiful and holding up but who knows what will happen in a few days. We just woke up an hour or so ago from a night of eating and Mafia. Let me say this...James is the funniest Mafia player ever. I love you James but it is hilarious to watch you get yanked back and forth. But don't worry, use this hilariousness to your advantage and you will win...someday. After a few hours of Mafia we went to eat at Malibu Diner and basically stayed awake all night. When everyone else crashed at around 6am, me and James went out to the boardwalk so he could take some pictures. During that time, we once again had a huge conversation focusing on relationships and world views and religion. We are so incredibly far apart in where we stand on many of these issues but i think that's why we are both intrigued and respond with questions on top of questions. We climbed into bed at eight and then knocked out until two.



Karina's first day at work was today. I hope it went well. It's tough having to make life decisions in the span of a few days but sometimes you really have to bear down and just think and concentrate and try to hit upon the "right" decision.

Oh i don't know. I don't think i could ever impose on "Your Master" for any more favors...he's already done so much to lead me toward the light...

Maybe with a little counseling from your new found friend you can slowly climb out from the depths of humanity to which you've apparently sunk.

I was just starting to lose my faith in the inherent evilness of man when suddenly i'm brought back to Earth with this unique yet compelling message. I suddenly feel like my strength is sapping away from my small manhood and my will to live has diminished. All i can think about is driving in a little Japanese compact car and reciting the Pythagorean Theorem...is that wrong?

I bet it really opened your slanty little eyes to see the big picture didn't it?

Yes...it stunned me to hear "Chinky, Gook, Small, Genitalia and Math" all in the same sentence. And somehow "Poodles" even made it into the picture.

Wow...that's so deep and profound. Not to mention incredibly original...I like how he cryptically signed it "Your Master." It adds a nice ethereal touch to the message don't you think?

On Thursday 8/16/2001 at 9:54:22pm...THIS was left on my guestbook:



SHUT UP YOU CHINKY GOOK...GO LEARN TO DRIVE AND SUFFER WITH YOUR SMALL GENITALIA WHILE EATING YOUR POODLES DOING SOME MATH

-YOUR MASTER-

The San Diego people have arrived. George came in around nine at night and James and Victor got in at 12:30, even though we didn't actually pick them up until 2am due to technical difficulties. The week of craziness is about to begin. I hear that the weather will be really crappy though so i don't know what we'll be doing. Right now everyone's up, listening to some guitar, playing video games or just simply passed out. James was incredibly excited to be back here and was bouncing off the walls. Ha.



One horrible thing...my bathroom reeks. I think the water seeped into the carpet so it smells kind of moldy and it's driving me crazy. Tomorrow i'm going out and buying every carpet cleaning product ever made.

Karina woke up this morning and walked into the lake that used to be my bathroom. The pump had broken on my toilet and it had started overflowing (for the record, it wasn't the toilet toilet that was overflowing, it was the tank so it was CLEAN water)...we tried to fight the good fight by making a dam with my laundry and my towels and my blankets but it was futile. We ended up having to call maintenance and he came by with a water vacuum and sucked up at least an inch of water. He replaced the pump and i'm happy to report that now everything is in good order.

The best way to describe the day was to call it an adventure. As one person put it, "it feels like we're in a videogame on a hunt for something." First, me, Hong and Eric took off to the World Trade Center to meet up with GaGa. On the way to ferry, we met up with Amy and her friend Liz. At the WTC, we split up and we picked up GaGa and Karina and had lunch at Cosi's. LynnChen decided to play hooky and took off the afternoon so that added another one. After lunch, we took the ferry back to Jersey so that Karina could change and GaGa could see our place. After a quick fifteen minutes of sitting on the couch, we took off to SoHo to meet up with Leslie, Amy and Liz again. But this time, Lynn and Hong decided to stay behind. Still following?



From SoHo, we walked a few blocks to Barnes and Noble to meet up with Andri, Vivian and Liz's friend. We had dinner (at this ghetto BBQ placed called....BBQ) minus Amy (who left to go meet up with her uncle). To end the night, we went karaoking (minus Andri, Vivian and Eric) for awhile which turned out to be pretty interesting because they had a slew of recent songs including Sarina Paris and DMX, go figure. We were supposed to meet up with Angie and Amit at Eugene's but we had to pass that up due to time constraints. Oh, walking Liz back to her car, we walked through the ghetto backstreets of Jersey City.



It was a loooong day filled with a lot of walking and waiting and the occassional burst of activity. It's starting to get insane how we travel in packs all over the place. We are like hungry lions patrolling the savannahs...

So yesterday, we were sitting by the water looking over at the New York skyline when me and Eric started talking about legalizing drugs and how much sense that made. That conversation moved on for a bit to the point where we said this: "So Leslie, what are your thoughts about legalizing prostitution?" With a stunning opening line like this, how could we resist a conversation that meandered from legalizing prostitution to the American conception of freedom, and then through the social and emotional ramifications of sex...followed quickly by what laws and morals should have in common...and eventually ending at the age old abortion question. Of course, we didn't get anywhere and no one's worldview was changed but it was a great conversation nonetheless. Sitting by the water, the key to all intellectual stimulation.

The angels have harked. My Webster works again with a fresh infusion of batteries. Rejoice.

Tragedy has struck. My i-Zone Webster is not working. The pictures are not coming out very brightly lit and so i'm panicking. I'm not sure if it's broken or because the batteries are low or what. I'm on eBay hunting down another one. This sucks, right when everyone is just about to get here too. Yes, my life is shallow.

Got another chance to go to a poetry slam thing. This time we went to Bar 13, where every Monday night, they host an open mic and performances by one of New York's national slam teams. I had wanted to check this out for awhile and had seen their website and read about the event, called A Little Bit Louder. I knew they had just participated in the National Slam and came back empty handed after winning last year and i think the year before that.



Anyway, the readings were pretty good all around except that since it was an open mic, there were a few duds. The night at the Nuyorican was better as a whole because everyone that performed that night were battle tested professionals and it was an actual Slam so it focused more on engaging the audience. One cool thing though was seeing and hearing some really famous poets at Bar 13. I noticed Beau Sia right away when he walked in. He's a short Asian dude and he had a funky haircut but i recognized him from his books and from his small role in Slam. He was one of the featured performers and he met all my expectations when he performed. Another renowed Slam poet that performed was Roger Bonair-Agard who edited "Burning Down the House: Selected Poems from the Nuyorican Poet's Cafe." On top of that we got to hear the newly crowned individual Slam champion whose name i forgot. Her tongue twisting poem about linguistics was off the hook. We didn't end up staying that long because it was a tad uncomfortable standing and i think some people were bored but i definitely want to check out this place a bit more.



One thing that i realized about poetry however is that i feel like there is a definite delineation between good and bad. Poetry comes from the heart and so shouldn't really be judged but there is poetry that is original and engaging and worth hearing and listening to. There are a lot of pretenders and second handers out there and they tend to bore me. Still, i give them much respect for stepping up to the microphone and speaking their peace.

It was Carol's birthday today so we went out to eat at Jasmine, this cheap Thai place on the Upper East side. The food was pretty good and amazingly cheap, kind of like Republic. The last time we all got together (meaning Carol, Greg, Winnie, Louis and me) was for Greg's birthday which was three months ago. It's saddening to realize that so much time has gone by and that it's normal for us to only see each other every few months. We always mean to get together more but it never happens. It's nice though because things never change when we get together. A night of food, some pool or bowling or whatnot and we're on our way once again. Tonite was a pool and ping pong night at Amsterdam Billiards. It was crazy, they charged $6.50 an hour per person for the ping pong tables. I fear going into the city because i know just stepping in for a few hours means at least twenty to thirty dollars.



Before we met up with Carol, me, Louis and Karina met up with Karen because she was going back to Conneticut this afternoon. She is going to Togo (a tiny country in Africa) with the Peace Corps for two years starting September and it's astonishing to hear her talk about it. I have so much respect for Karen because she is the type of person who is able to give so much of herself that she can dedicate two years of her life in some little tiny country helping the people. In college, Karen just got things done. She was an outstanding student, she partied, she had wonderful friendships...pretty amazing. And she travels extensively and totally immerses herself in different cultures. She was reading this book about another Peace Corp volunteer's experiences in Togo and we sort of touched on what she hopes to get out of her whole experience and whether the recipients of the aid were the real beneficieries of a program like Peace Corp.



I feel like i want to undergo some sort of transformative experience like the Peace Corp but i don't think i could ever muster up the courage to do it. I like being within my bubble and even though i often dream of drastically jumping out of it, i don't know if i could actually follow through and attempt something that might challenge everything i know and think.

Leslie's friend Amy came down from DC today to stay for a week and along with Eric, who's staying for the week, the month of fun begins. The weather cleared up a bit today and the night turned out to be really good. A whole bunch of us met up for dinner at some Italian place in Hell's Kitchen. The food was decent and incredibly inexpensive by New York standards. After that, we wandered around a little bit in the Union Square area looking for a bar to chill at. We went to Lemon but it was really crowded and we couldn't fit all ten of us so we ended up inevitably at Heartland Brewery. I feel like despite our best efforts to find "new" places, we always end up in Union Square at Republic or Heartland.



One thing that i have to say is that in a large group, people have to do two things to facilitate decision making. First off...have a bit of patience. Twelve people are gonna want to do different things so everyone needs to be extra patient while a plan is formed. Second and most important, everyone has to be honest and say what they want to do. None of this, "i don't care" stuff. Everyone cares. Just speak up so your opinion can be noted and we can get the move on. It's too hard to gather everyone's opinions when nobody speaks up and then after the decision is made, people start wavering and rethinking what they really wanted. Just say it and we'll reach a consesus faster. That's the only problem with going out in a large group. Despite all that though, i love the energy generated by hanging out with lots of people.



Anyhow, after Heartland, we went to Metronome where Amy's cousin was spinning. We had to switch ID's to get Kyle in and once inside i realized that i'd never clubbed clubbed with him before. Tonite was definitely a night of firsts for a number of reasons but enough on that. Metronome had a nice setup but the crowd was pretty sparse for some reason. That meant we could occupy the dance floor and bounce around to our hearts content. It was a very expensive night however, i'm currently negative dollars after all my expenses. Sickening isn't it?

Went out to Cheetahs last night after ANOTHER attempt to get into Spa. Luckily, it wasn't rejection number three but rather a long line that didn't move. For the record, i am not gonna participate in any Spa outings....bad news everytime. The whole day was dark and dreary and rainy so i was pretty ready to go out and have some fun. Cheetahs turned out to be really good...on hip hop nights, they play some off beat stuff that isn't just what's popular. When we first got there it was real weird because everyone was standing around (apparently in anticipation of some Rock-a-fella Records R&B singer) and nobody was dancing. After the guy performed however, the night turned out to be real good. Leslie had one drink and got messed up but besides that it was a fun time for all. Winnie came out with us and i was really happy because i hadn't ever clubbed with her ever before. Les and Karina said she seemed happier and i tend to agree, whether because she was more relaxed than at Michigan or for some other reason. Either way, had a real good time clubbing with her. Good night for sure.

Dream on boyo. Your subconscious puke means nothing....

Well, it would be nice to believe that my subconscious is telling me something important and relevant.

Obviously there's some deep hidden meaning here that will reveal all your insecurities inherent in your lifestyle. For the record however, i hate it when people talk about dreams because really, how can anyone make sense of anything in a dream? It's just you're subconscious splurging, it probably doesn't mean anything.

That's the thing. I have no idea. First off, it's weird because it was Babbs leading me into the room and he isn't really supposed to be there because all the other people are the people i went to Northwestern MAASU with freshman year. I've been trying really hard to thing of what the snakes and the 2D fish and the fear relate to but for the life of me i cannot. And all i remember is waking up thinking about how they moved the tank into the room because the tank was so huge...like a Sea World Shamu tank.

I had this trippy dream the other nite. I don't normally dream so for me to actually wake up and remember one is pretty rare. There was this party going on...more like a backyard party and i feel like it was for a graduation of some sort. Everyone was having a good time when Brian Babb suddenly told me to come with him and we went to this room where Katy, Steve Tan, Shirley, Carol and Louis were at. Inside, we were giving each other graduation gifts and they decided to get me this giant fish tank. Inside it were a few really beautiful clown fish and various other cool fish. But, there were two water snakes inside and this weird giant fish that looked like a Super Mario Brothers flying fish. All i could think of was how i was going to move the fish tank with me when i left. But the freakiest thing was that i kept thinking the snakes would jump out of the tank and go crazy and attack everyone so i was afraid of lifting open the lid. The stupid Super Mario Brothers fish just kept on staring at me with its unblinking 2D eyes the whole time.

What does it all mean oh analytical one?

George just called me to inform me that our high school class is getting together for its five year reunion. She filled me in on some of the rumors going around about who's doing what and who looks better, who looks worse. Some people are getting married, some are going to graduate school, some are just lost to the world. It's weird because while i do have a semi-curiousity about what happened to people, i could really care less. There are certain people i wonder if i would get along with better now but at the same time that is just a fleeting thought. High school for me was really different and by the time senior year rolled around, i detached from it completely. I know George might have gone to the reunion (it's on the 25th of August so we'll both be here in New York) but i don't think i ever would of. I used to say that i would like to peek quickly into the room and then leave but at this point, my curiosity is only kept alive by George's wonderings and information.



I have to say though that the girl who is calling everyone from our class, Molly, must be commended for her ability to reach out and contact everyone after all these years. That seems like a pretty impressive undertaking to me.

You better start conducting some field research on what that feeling is like because you may not be "the best" anything for quite some time. "Best Slacker" doesn't really hold up under scutiny so you better keep looking.

I feel like i'm always average to above average but never really excellent at anything. It must be an amazing karmic cycle to feel like you are the best and to keep pushing to maintain that status. I've never had to do that because i've always been quite content being "decent." If i lose at basketball or do poorly in school, it's like, "oh well, i can live with it." In a way it's definitely a good thing because i'm sure my head would get pretty big at times but i think it would be nice to be "the best" at something. If only for a quick second. Doesn't everyone feel that way? Isn't everyone secretly or not so secretly hoping to establish themselves as "the best?"

Oh ok, so you're not talking about the best in the world, like Michael Jordan, just the best at a specific moment in time.

See, i feel like most people have been "the best" at something in their lives. No matter how fleeting the moment or how significant the act. Whether it be winning piano competitions, or being the star basketball player, or being picked to be the one lone recipient of a scholarship...how does that feel? I mean, not that it really matters because inevitably someone is always better than you but within your own personal sphere...being the best means something.

Oh how proud your parents must of been...tied for best in the limbo contest...their little jonny...

Actually, it's not well known but i think i won our class spelling bee in the third grade. And i was tied for first place in the limbo contest in fifth grade. So there.

You obviously have no idea. Now were the question, "What does it feel like to be the tenth best...you would have ALL the answers."

What does it feel like to be the best? I just watched "Searching for Bobby Fischer" and it got me thinking about what it means to be the best at something.

The heat in New York is unbearable. This is not normally something blog worthy but i have to say that i am afraid to even go outside. It's hot and muggy and just pure torture. Smoking in this humid weather is the worst because you don't even get any satisfaction out of it. I feel so sorry for those souls who have to struggle to work and interviews wearing heavy suits and stuff because the subways are killer right now. The temperature is in the 90s and with the humidity, who knows how hot it actually is. Sick.

Just got in from a relaxing weekend away from the city. Ten of us all went out to Angie's house in Holmdel and basically ate and slept and couch potatoed. That was pretty much the whole weekend. I personally ate like five pounds of fruit (which turned out to be my downfall in Mafia) and we had huge meals and snacks constantly. Angie's parents were amazingly hospitable and took us out to eat dim sum, chinese buffet, pizza and cooked for us. It was pretty sick. We sat around on their couch and watched tv and movies and then got up and ate again. We also played ALOT of Mafia. Winnie and Grace had never played before but i would say by the end of the weekend, everyone had Mafia in their heads. Gluttony and deception, gotta love it.

Interesting isn't exactly the word i would choose to use here. And what the heck does this mean?



"He makes nations great, and destroys them; he enlarges nations, and disperses them. He deprives the leaders of the earth of their reason." -Job 12:23-

It's kind of interesting though.

AmericanDestiny.com. If this does not scare you...nothing will. What is this whole site about? God as the reason for America's dominance? Christianity as the savior of a nation? I'm still not sure. This is the kind of thinking that totally scares me about religion and specifically Christianity.

Went out to this little secret spot called Angel's Share. It's a little bar tucked in a Japanese restaurant near the village. I'd been into it with Sher Wing before but this time i went with Karina and Amit. It's hilarious because the door to the place is inside the restaurant and it looks like a bathroom door. There are no signs and stuff except for a rules list (No parties bigger than four. No standing...). Inside it's really dark and swank. Big windows look out over St Mark's and there is a slightly disturbing picture of an angel with horns on his head over the bar. The angel looks Asian and is very very depressed or sad or something. Interesting mural anyway. I realize that i always have a hesistancy to go out into the city from Jersey because it's such a hassle to get back but once i'm out there it's always a good time. It's just a mental hurdle to get off the couch and go.