joy to the world. life can change so fast. not even the kind of changes that come naturally but the type that makes you stop and go "whoa." rarely are my days and nights filled with "issues." with things. things of substance that i have to think about. or write about, or talk about. things that actually affect the flow of life. and this week, in only three days, it's been non-stop action. like a bad movie with bad digital explosions.



the thing about it all is that i've learned somethings in three days. one, sometimes you just have to suck it up and do what you don't want to do (i got a job, details later). two, sometimes crazy things happen that really come out of the blue and make you wonder about action versus non-action. and how to handle a certain situation that you aren't even really in. three, sometimes you can lose something so fast you can hardly remember you had it. even if it was not really yours. but belonging rather, to somebody else.



yesterday a close friend of mine lost a close friend of theirs. and that sent such chills down my spine. because sometimes there really are moments when people are so important. and something like this makes you think about what could happen to anyone at anytime. and that makes you so afraid. so afraid to committ to attachment to a person. so afraid to think about what life would be like if someone left. and beyond just sadness and tears, it's fear for how this will affect your friend. and despite my not really knowing her, i feel a significant light snuffed out in this world. she was a poet and a free spirit and that i admired her for.



and her passing made me want to send earnest appreciation and love to everyone that i feel earnest appreciation and love for. but maybe they know already. or maybe they don't. either way, that particular moment has passed. it's weird to chicken out of saying something appreciative -- or i love you things -- to people, isn't it? i'm just okay now, with just thinking to myself, about people and where you really want them to be in your life. and how best to structure things so that the people who you are supposed to care for, want to care for, are the people who are actually cared for. instead of always putting it off to "next time next time, we'll talk later."