that still small voice which interprets the dictates of conscience. it's a funny thing. lying to yourself. denying the obvious facts so that you can come out cleaner than that bald guy. sometimes, you are forced to do certain "bad" things so you rationalize it away. like it's not so bad. and it's not wrong. it's just a matter of perspective. i really believe in absolute rights and wrongs. but in everyday life, absolute wrongs are so hard to define. and are evil thoughts really the same as evil deeds? never! thoughts don't hurt people. people hurt people!



i guess i'm not even talking about things as deep as evils. just some nebulous grey area things that you probably wouldn't tell anyone but your best friends. if even them. to speak something makes it concrete. it shows the world that you have this thought, this idea. even if it doesn't mean much in the long run, it's still hard to express things that you would rather just remain your own. but then there's a part of you which is just bursting to tell someone. that's why you need someone who is out there, out of your social sphere. someone who is totally trustworthy and totally willing to take anything you say in stride.



where do you find these people? among your friends? your peers? your contemporaries? in the pages of your journal? on the internet? in chat rooms? at 1-800 lines? i'm sometimes afraid to put down certain thoughts because it seems like once you commit something to paper, it's so permanent. and really, the only reason to put it down anywhere is so that you can remember what you felt at one exact moment. and if it's slightly embarassing or bad, who wants to risk that being discovered? not i. nor me. said the flea.



and how shocking is it when you're thinking something and you're kind of smirking to yourself, and then suddenly someone calls you out on your "secret" thought. as if the whole thing was dangling in mid-air like a cartoon balloon, just waiting for anyone to come over and read it. shocking i tell ya. shocking. but kind of funny too.