"as soon as i'm in a relationship, i promote fear from clerk to president, even though all it can do is sweep up, turn off the lights, and lock the door."
-the wonder spot, melissa bank-

lemons and limes and pears, oh my. oh relationships, without relationships what we would gossip about? life would be dull, conversations would stagnate, the world would stop. there's this perception held by some people -- especially those who are relationship novices or amateur relationshippers -- that by getting into a relationship, the dating roller coaster will smooth out and become a blissful ride through the tunnel of love. what people don't realize about getting into that tunnel of love is that right after the entrance is a steep drop-off followed by a turbulent ride more closely resembling "mr toad's wild ride" than "it's a small world."

"vincent (ex-boyfriend) says they're headed to another party themselves. he kisses both my cheeks and looks at me as though he cares deeply for me, a look i never got when we were together, a look that seth (current boyfriend) notices, and i think, phew: seth will think another man loved me; he will think i am the lovable kind of woman, the kind a man better love right or somebody else will."
-the wonder spot, melissa bank-

and they say that nobody should play "games" in relationships, but that's also false. relationships are a balancing act where everything you do is under heavy scrutiny and you need a good (logical) reason for doing anything that may strike someone else as aberrant. trying to stay on the same page at all times is not only nigh impossible, but perhaps, not even desireable.

a relationship is a daily battle of tug-of-war. there's near constant evaluation of where each person stands, how to maintain happiness for both parties, being on high alert for trouble areas. people think that with committment comes happiness, but in many cases, being committed means taking away from your individual happiness in order to promote dual happiness. taking one for the team, winning by losing, two wrongs make a right, that sort of thing.

relationships require honesty, but honestly can oftentimes be accompanied directly by hurt. there's a difference between "the truth" and "honesty." i'm not even sure which is which anymore, but i know that one is important to stress while the other is important to maintain.

"there are two types of bad boyfriends. the egregious type and the passionless type. the egregious type behaves in wrong ways -- cheats, lies, insults, cuddles with other girls, etc. the passionless type is worse -- sticks around physically, but is not there mentally or emotionally, though the girlfriend assumes otherwise. a going through the motions type. so i'm guessing in the past you belong to the former but the latter i think is worse."
-excerpted from an email sent to me by a friend-

i've found that being in a relationship can often be compared to being on pins and needles all the time. each action and reaction in a relationship is magnified beyond all belief. happy one moment, scream-worthy the next. stepping into a relationship is choosing to step into a spotlight. if you can't handle it, it's probably best to step away.

so why do it? the short answer is because what other option is there? we are surrounded by couples (maybe not right now, but in the long run), if you're not a part of one, you stick out. the long answer is the dialogue that occurs between friends consoling, advising, listening to each other.

relationships is hard work man. and we all should know that going in; but there are times when that truism really, finally, sinks in. i think that relationships are less about math than they are about art, which is something which is glaringly true, but something i'd not realized until somewhat recently. and even with that realization, i've still been bean-counting versus painting. know what i mean?