who moved my cheese? like a trained lab rat, i was given more responsiblity and immediately responded postively. it's amazing what a little responsibility can do to your work ethic. you see this type of thing work well with children. "johnny, you're in charge of trash for the day, it's your job -- and your special job only -- to go around and pick up every piece of trash on the planet. go." and off stupid little johnny will go, accosting all the kids for their trash and picking up everything nasty in sight.

responsibility. big word, even bigger motivational tool.

as you can surmise, i was given a new duty at work. it is now my responsbility to enter the bugs into the spanking new database. i was doing such a piss poor job of finding bugs (all part of the master plan mind you), they decided that they would sacrifice me to the organizational gods instead. and now when i'm at work, i work three times harder than before. i would have said "i work infinitely harder" but that kind of drastic mark up would make me out to be too much of a slacker. i mean, i do have a work ethic, it's just hard to identify without prolonged exposure to direct sunlight.

but oh, little did they know, that inputting the work of others is my specialty. my calling is not actually working, but presenting other people's work in an aesthetically pleasing manner. i'm really good at bolding, underlining and using just the right amount of spaces in-between report sections. i use my knowledge of negative space within the framework of spreadsheets and word documents. i'm an unappreciated artist.

the joy i get from finishing up a little task is indescribable. the key to keeping menial laborers asking for more is to give them bite sized goals that they can easily reach. this way they'll feel more accomplished. instead of finishing one big task at the end of a long day, they'll have finished eight little ones in a furiously paced race to the dinner bell.

i'm so efficient now that i'm bothered when people don't respond to me immediately. i go around asking people "can you check on this for me? is this bug a dupe? could you make sure to use spell check next time?" i've never cared so much at a job. and i've never cared so much about doing a good job.

and all because they offered me a morsel of responsibility. i've got to apply this awesome motivational tool called "false responsibility" to the rest of my life. the problem is, my friends/underlings aren't children anymore, and they can't be fooled as easily as when they were ignorant squirts.

cunningly worded ploys like, "james (totally random name), you're in charge of washing all of the dishes, because you're so good at it," just doesn't seem like it'll work. actually, i retract that statement. sometimes you can make people do things just by flattering them. flattery, yet another motivational tool to have in your tool box.

dale carnegie's got nothing on me.