"he [ethan watters] has hinted already that being in a tight gang of friends well into your 30s might have a time-filling aspect. the relentless, heavily ritualised activities of the groups he describes - weekly group dinners, group parties held at the slightest excuse - do suggest a fear of being alone and thinking about the trajectory of your life. in the long term, he says, this has a cost: '[you] dam up certain desires, hopes, and plans. with each passing year, the pressure builds a little.'"

out of the frying pan, into the fire. watters suggests that despite the positive effects of having a tribe support you, having a group of friends who prolong each other's "next step" can be restrictive. part of it is about being in your comfort zone. if you're solidly within your friendship comfort zone all the time, there's no need to take chances with desired, but risky, forays into the world of strangers. if you've hung out with the same group of people for a dozen years, you may feel like you want to venture out, stretch your social wings, see if you can make a world for yourself.

think about how restrictive it can be to be with people who have known you forever. they'll never forget that time(s) you totally mispronounced a word. they won't stop calling you "booger" or something equally unappealing. they won't let you forget about your fucked up relationships or your slacker-ish ways. in short, being around your tribe can be like hanging out with parents who love to bring up embarassing stories. the tribe is like god: omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, and omnibenevolent. although that last omni is sometimes highly questionable.

so maybe you want to escape, or to take a break for awhile. try new things. but unless there's a valid reason for excusing yourself from the tribe, you'll be ridiculed, outcasted and the butt of many behind-your-back jokes. i know this because most of the time i'm the one holding the bloody dagger. all in good fun of course.

but you love your tribe. and to leave them would mean stepping into the unknown. and that's pretty scary.