one day it'll all make sense. some people are too pre-occupied with what everything means. in going from point A to point C, was a particular point B required? or would it have been more efficient to skip that point B and go straight to C? and if i did go to B, what did i learn or get out of that experience?

more simply put, was that job/relationship/vacation/dinner worth it? well, according to steve jobs, it's all worth it.

"again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. so you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. you have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. this approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."

so which do you believe in? destiny, a higher purpose, karma? what's going to make all of your dots align and connect? and say some dots don't connect, and some of them seem superfluous and misleading, is that bad? is that wasted time? if we're to live every day like it's our last, aren't there a whole slew of things that we could toss out the window? maybe certain points are totally unnecessary and we lose more by indulging in them than we gain by trying them out.

but one can't think like this. because days are long. twenty four hours is long. we need time to waste time. there's the fear however, that all your time will be wasted if you're not moving forward. "keep learning, keep pushing." towards what though? if you don't belive there's an ultimate end point, one that you can clearly envision and strive for, how can you know where and when to push?

as we approach the years where we're supposed to accomplish things, is it time to save your strength to push towards something concrete? and not to just push for the sake of pushing? if you can't have some tangible proof for your efforts, was it ultimately worthless?

i've lost myself so i'm stopping.

while i'm at it, what does "my soul is like a pawnshop" mean? i read that statement somewhere and i thought it sounded potentially profound. but i can't divine the meaning or significance behind it. maybe there's another part of the sentence i missed out on or something.