ear ring. i thought i wanted to be a concert person. i thought wrong. concerts are for people who enjoy the energy that a mass of maniacs can generate. concerts are for people who don't care about the well being of others around them. concerts are for people who can withstand the standing. concerts are for people who don't feel like functioning ear drums are important. i am not one of those people.

june has been, and will continue to be, the month of concerts. there was common last wednesday, roots yesterday, and digable planets this upcoming sunday. depending on how things line up, i'll be going to digable again and then hopefully, cross my fingers, the alanis (with jason mraz) concert.

what have i learned after my concert experiences? well, for one, i'm not an open standing area concert goer. i know, totally uncool and totally old. i don't really need or want seats, but i don't want to worry about elbows in my face, or a guy's tush push coming way too close to my nether regions. i don't want some rhythm-less idiot gyrating away in front of me while i wonder if i've ever danced this close with a male before. i don't want your best beyonce impression or your awesome body roll. i just don't want it, do i have to explain why?

i don't want to worry about big hair, big asses or big people period. it must suck to be a bigger guy at a concert -- i mean, everyone hates you. even the friends you went with probably hate you. nobody can see over a mountain, even if the mountain ranges in size from just under six feet to well over.

at the common concert, i felt small and very slight. at the roots concert, i felt like i was relatively tall and an imposition on the people behind me. the roots concert was filled with asians. the common concert, blacks and whites. amazing how a change in crowd can make you feel adequately sized. i'm tall, i'm tall! but if i'm tall(er) i feel like the short(er) people behind me can't see anything. am i just being overly sensitive?

i also don't want to be one of those guys who half pushes their way through the crowd but then stops right in front of some five foot no inches girl. i mean, is that the wackest move ever? i'm gonna start bringing tasers with me to concerts. *zap* "sorry, you're within my static electricity zone, i suggest you move." hate these guys. have they no sense of chivalry?

also, at concerts, it's hard to move or dance. i mean, everyone feels the need to be really close to the stage -- because being closer means a better experience? i don't know. i prefer being on the uncrowded outside wing of a concert. this way, i can dance if i want, or bob side to side arrhythmically if i want. well, actually, i'm pretty arrhythmic regardless of whether i want to be or not. oh well. i'm telling you, the side is where it's at. i don't need to be that close to the stage, i can see just fine from the back. i'm tall remember?

anyway, when i'm in public, i don't want to worry about people to the fore and aft of me getting an errant elbow. i have sharp pointy elbows. and soft eyeballs, which i'd like to preserve for at least a few more years. i mean, after a concert, i've probably permanently damaged my sense of hearing, must my other senses suffer too? stop raising your fist and pumping so hard jackass. stop clapping so enthusiastically, you're way off beat. idiot.

my hate for mankind is never stronger than at concerts. nobody cares about the people next to them, it's every (wo)man for himself. and then you have the artist on stage screaming about "love, love makes the world go round. put it up for l-o-v-e..." fuck. if love ruled the day we would have demarcated standing spots during concerts and separate sections for short/tall/smelly/clean/drunk/undrunk people. concerts are just too much chaos for me.

i think i'm a listen to CDs loudly in my car kind of guy.

so much for being a cool concert goer person. hey, at least i tried. then again, i'd bet there's not much pushing at celine dion concerts. maybe i should re-evaluate my taste in music. celine's got some catchy tunes, right?