like a cold summer afternoon, like the snow coming down in june. sometimes we don't tell people how much we really think of them. how much we put into them. how much we care about them. how much we might miss them from day to day but never bother to call or page or email or anything. this is perhaps usually maybe applied to parents. because typically it's parents who are undervalued and underappreciated. except in some quieter moments. but as a discussion with a friend pointed out, sometimes people just don't say what they mean. or can't. for one reason or the other.



in my mind, i may think that you are the most wonderful person, and are so tight and close to me, but never let you know it explicitly. and i, using "i" this time personally, sometimes just assume that when i care alot about someone, they know that i do. even if my actions contradict my feelings. this kinda sucks. to never tell someone how much you think of them, how much you respect them, how much they've impacted you. what's the one regret that people always say when people pass away unexpectedly? "i wish i could of told him/her how much i cared." and this is followed up by the semi-comforting, semi-obligatory "i'm sure they knew." but did they really? i think sometimes, for some people, it takes effort to make sure that the people they love are aware of how deep that love goes.



i know i am piss poor at this. i'm maybe a bit better at it now, but i used to be shocked to find out when someone i thought of as super close questioned my friendship with them. i've tried to show that loving respect with words more, to make sure that they know. actions must follow words too and that's another step.



aniwaise, it's also always nice to have this feeling reciprocated. when unexpectedly you get a little reminder of how close you are to someone. or just the little things that can go a long way towards saying "i'm thinking about you." this may be the cheesiest thing i've ever blogged. but quite honestly, in this day and age of airplanes and constant electronic badgerings, it's easy to just "i'll see you later" until there are no more laters. there is always someone in your life that probably has no idea how much space they occupy in your heart. and it's important to recognize that, and maybe not blurt it out, but to make sure that they know it. because if they don't, well......who knows what may happen.



and isn't it weird, if you feel me on this one, how hard it is sometimes to say something really really nice and genuine to another human being? like you have to prep yourself up for it. and build up your will. and wait for that "perfect" moment. like the same nervous preparation you might do for calling some random girl that you like. i admire those who are able to freely and capably express their feelings for people, without having to go through mental checks and anxieties.