today. six months ago. the carriage i've been riding in all my life suddenly shuddered to a halt. and the world suddenly took shape outside the confines of fine silk and soft pillows. the sun finally burnt directly into my eyes. and not filtered through the lenses my father provided. now, i feel like i have been given one last beautiful gift. a huge and wonderful horse. ready to take me charging down the road into the sunset. the horse is all saddled up and chomping at the bit. impatient. waiting for me to leap on. everyone else has their horses ready and they are encouraging me to ride with them. but i look around at the horses. and the sun. and the road. and i really just want to tell them to move on. ride on. take my horse. i'd rather walk. and find my own way.



i feel like a girl. looking down at the expectant man who loves me. and wondering if i love him back. and if i should say "yes" even if i'm not sure.



i feel overdramatic. because things are never as big as they seem. and things work out. always. even now, things are working out. but uncertain futures confuse me. as they should i suppose. six months move by really fast.



honesty.