Day 234

Listening to: Matt the Electrician, "Little Hands." Ukelele and whistling? Whoever this Matt guy is, I can't get this song out of my head.

It's strange how distant the past can feel while at the same time looking over a few pictures, watching a few videos, or just talking about things long ago can bring it all flinging back. I wasted away an hour or two following YouTube link after YouTube link, watching old dance videos. And not even dance videos of people I spent time with on campus, but videos of people from a few years after I left Michigan.

We sometimes talk about how close certain people are to the other people "in the group," and it often seems like that number is very small. For some, out of the forty or so dancers who are considered "family," it's only a handful of people that could be defined as still really great friends now. That's different for individuals, of course, since some people are better at keeping in touch, some people built stronger bonds, some people have outgrown each other, what have you. But overall, there was something to all those hours spent together. And it's strange to think that you could have spent so much time with these people, to know so much about them, yet know nothing and feel incredibly distant.

If there's anything I've had to come to terms with as the years have gone by, it's the reality that friendships wax and wane, and that sometimes you can't/won't get back to any high points. My previously long held philosophy was that whatever high point you hit as friends, you maintain that and that is what resonates about your friendship. But as the years have truly created drift and tectonic shifts, I've become more accepting of the idea that sometimes a friendship is just meant for a certain time. It marked a period in your life, you take what you can out of it, and move along.

I don't think I like it, but it's how it is, right?

Here's my two favorite videos I cruised through. A 2xs and funKtion collaboration that features SF friends that we hang out with now, and a funKtion good bye video that has a hilarious behind the scenes part where everyone is imitating other people (2:40 mark). I wasn't even a part of these experiences but I felt nostalgic about them. Is that weird, to feel nostalgia and to smile at people I didn't even know then?

About a minute into the collabo video, they essentially do an updated version of a couples dance (to Kai's "Say You'll Stay") that we did in 2000. Somehow, four years later, there was the same song and dance being done by a completely separate group of people. Later on in that performance, the music goes out and everyone had to regroup and go again. That mirrored one of my favorite performances from the past, when our boombox shut down and we ended the routine by everyone singing the rest of the song because hell, we'd practiced so much to it that we all knew the words. I guess it's these similar experiences that tie people together?

Is that a strong bond, a weak bond, or just a fading bond? Kind of all three I guess.

The other night, three of us spent a warm night on the steps of Mission High School. It reminded me of what I liked best about summers in New York. The late nights, the hot but cooling off weather, the nothing to do but something to talk about. Sitting there on the giant stoop, watching cars go by, it was exactly like some of my favorite times at Michigan, where I sat with someone(s) on the stairs of Angell Hall, idly watching the street and talking, and waiting for the sun to rise. Those moments are harder to come by nowadays, and it's not exactly something you generally suggest to do. There are too many bars, clubs, restaurants, and places to go into. But none of those beat a simple set of stairs, do they?