Day 221

Listening to: The New Yorker Out Loud Podcast. A short weekly podcast about random stuff. Everything's generally around ten minutes so and perfect for a short walking or bussing commute. A few I've enjoyed: Comedian Kat Williams (Apr 13), the enduring appeal of vampires (Mar 16), and the Lily Allen experience (Mar 9). My ratio of audio listening is like 70% podcasts and 30% music nowadays. I just find it oh so informative.

It's been said that we're a tough bunch to infiltrate. Last week, sitting around the kitchen table, we were (briefly) talking about if we're jerks or asses because nobody's significant others gets easily embraced. Which is true. I mean, we're incredibly judgmental, we apparently aren't always friendly, and we're like kind of mean sometimes -- or we don't hesitate to say negative things quickly. That can't be fun for the girlfriend/boyfriend to wander into. Actually, I can't even think of many boyfriends that have been brought around. If they come around, they're already fiances or super serious, so we kind of have to like them (or not). So I'll restrict this to girlfriends.

You know how people are always saying, "It's important that my friends like my girlfriend, etc." That's great but half of that getting your GF integrated is having your friends reach out. And now that I stop and think about it, we don't really do that as a group. We aren't great at reaching out. Or maybe we are but we just don't do it. I'd love to know the reason why. It probably starts because of how insular we are. There's a lot of history, a lot of inside jokes, a certain rhythm to our hanging out. We're not uppity, if anything, we're the opposite, we're down-ity. Btw, I'm talking about the San Diego friend group, not the dance one or others ones -- not that there are other ones.

I personally have never encountered this problem with my girlfriends. I tend to date from within the pool so everyone's already friends with her. This presents its own problems of course. Namely that there's a lot of "he said, she said" and there's scrutiny all around. But it makes it really easy because I've never had to integrate anyone to the friend group.

It's something everyone else has had to do. And I can't say there's been any full on successes. If anything, someone is a winner simply by being non-annoying and semi-fun. That means the bar is raised pretty low but at the same time, that bar is attached to a big old brick wall right behind it. It must suck for the GF, who's probably trying to be friendly and nice. I wonder what effect this has had on anybody's relationships.

I mean, it's like someone could have been going out with our friend for years and we barely know them, or acknowledge them, or reach out to get to know them. Imagine if that were the other way around? I can't necessarily, because I've never had to infiltrate a GF's friend group. It's something I hope to experience one of these days.

And when I fail I'll be sure to return with my tail between my legs and report how mean and unwelcoming they are and declare that it's just perfectly normal for everyone to be jerks.