here's to you mrs robinson. i used to think that there existed a holy grail of women upon whom i should focus my attention on. these women would be wise, successful, worldly, independent, confident, mature, and level-headed. to put it succinctly, these women would be "older."

before i go much further, let me define "older." this is, of course, a very subjective term. for me, an "older woman" is three to five years older than whatever i currently am. this definition would of course, vary from person to person, so let's assign a universal age to qualify as an "older woman." let's peg it at around thirty five.

now, what would an older woman want with an immature brat like me? i don't know. but i know what i'd want from them. i'd expect maturity, independence, confidence, and.....we already went over this part. the point here is that i glamorized the older woman as someone who would have all the proper attributes that would conribute to an ideal relationship. they've seen the world, they've made their place in it, they're happy and capable of taking care of themselves. no more drama, no more childish antics, no more immaturity or jealousy.

it has to be mentioned that of late, i've begun to suspect that things like a penchant for melodrama, immaturity and jealousy are not sloughed off when you reach a certain age. but a guy can dream can't he?

anyway, assuming that an older woman is what i want, i starting thinking about the best way to get one, or to get one to want me. i immediately hit upon a key stumbling block in attempting to date an older woman: you can't use your usual tricks of the trade to woo them. they've seen too much! they've been wined and dined, they've had good conversations, they're hardly naive or innocent anymore, they've seen more than you've seen, they're not wowed by the few things that you can offer. older woman are not just grown up versions of your typical twenty year old, they're a whole breed unto themselves.

i mean, are you really gonna impress an older woman by taking her to the beach for a picnic? she's probably had a guy fly her to paris to dine on the banks of the seine. she's maybe had a billion men propose to her, so your declarations of love sound like misguided bravado. she's not impressed by your promotion to associate administrative assistant, she's been the president of marketing for three years. think your nifty new posters and paperback book collection will impress her? she's got a house with an ocean view, and an alphabetized library. she's got money, power, respect and she knows what she wants.

so what's a guy to do? the older woman has seen all the dating tricks that feeble males have come up with, she isn't easily impressed or easily duped, she's technically way out of your league. so what can you offer? nothing really. adoration? youth? puppy dog eyes?