puttin bodies in motion cause i got the notion. ever had this happen? you're sitting somewhere, talking to somebody, and you feel like they're always interrupting you. or they're going off of what you're saying but then making return comments that make no sense. you might have been talking about the state of african politics and the person across from you says, "africa? oh, i love africa, i've always wanted to go there." what?! that wasn't relevant. why have we tangented? why does this dissonance happen? my theory is this: some people aren't very good at picking up social cues.



part of our social education is learning the art of a conversation; conversation meaning "a talk between two people." if you're just blabbering on and on about yourself, it's not a conversation, it's a monologue. if somehow every topic manages to magically come back towards you, you are probably in danger of "taking too much conversation control." if you scientifically study the art of a conversation, you can see the openings where you can insert your thoughts, spaces for you to nod appropriately, places for you to prompt further thoughts. there is an unwritten, unspoken method to conversating. some people choose to ignore these social cues, or they just miss them altogether. it's not a bad or good thing per se, i just personally find it annoying when people go shuttling past the cues and start stomping around with their ideas, thoughts, words. a conversation is a dance, and when you step on your partner's toes all the time, they'll be quick to make a break for the bathroom.



picking up on social cues is a complex process to be sure. body language, personality type, mood evaluation, the intersection of time and space are all factors that should be taken into account when starting, engaging, or ending a conversation. otherwise you run the risk of cutting someone off, of shutting someone off, or of annoying someone on. while somebody may verbally say "sure, talk to me," it is best to be aware if every other fiber of their being is screaming "shut up!"



and this isn't just about people who tend to talk a lot. i love people who talk a lot. but when you talk a lot, you also need to be aware that the person across from you may not necessarily be very interested in what you're saying. thus, be on the lookout for social cues that indicate "hey, maybe it's time to stop talking, time to disengage." we're very good at this with strangers. because if a stranger comes up to talk to us, we will politely suddenly become engrossed in the menu, or we make less eye contact as a means of dismissal. but it's much harder with friends. we want to talk to them, we want to listen and be listened to. but sometimes, with some people, it just doesn't seem to work out that way.



there are times to be captivating, and there is such a thing as a captive audience, but it's not good to hold someone simply captive. be aware people, be very aware.