i agree with katz when he says that monogamy is "one of the pillars of heterosexual marriage and perhaps its key source of trauma." it's almost impossible for two people to be all things to each other sexually, and the expectation that two people can or should be all things to each other sexually -- that they should never find another person attractive or act on that attraction -- does a great deal of harm.



human beings didn't evolve to be monogamous, and everything from divorce rates to recent impeachment proceedings prove, i think, that the expectation of lifelong monogamy places an incredible strain on a marriage. being monogamous is hard work; it's not natural (even disgraced virtuecrat william bennett concedes this point!) and it doesn't come easily to human beings or very many other mammals. but our concept of love and marriage has as its foundation not only the expectation of monogamy but the idea that where there's love, monogamy should be easy and joyful.

-salon, what does marriage mean?-